{"id":2373,"date":"2014-04-13T12:15:00","date_gmt":"2014-04-13T19:15:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/careersingovernment.com\/tools\/?p=2373"},"modified":"2014-04-13T12:15:04","modified_gmt":"2014-04-13T19:15:04","slug":"hr-innovation-plan-2014","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/gov-talk\/about-gov\/education\/hr-innovation-plan-2014\/","title":{"rendered":"HR Innovation Plan 2014"},"content":{"rendered":"<p style=\"text-align: left;\" align=\"center\"><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/gov-talk\/about-gov\/education\/hr-innovation-plan-2014\/attachment\/gloria-hr-innovations\/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-2375\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft  wp-image-2375\" alt=\"gloria.hr.innovations\" src=\"https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/gloria.hr_.innovations.jpg\" width=\"392\" height=\"294\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/gloria.hr_.innovations.jpg 800w, https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/gloria.hr_.innovations-300x225.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/gloria.hr_.innovations-480x360.jpg 480w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 392px) 100vw, 392px\" \/><\/a>Our CEO Stan has started taking Xanax, an anti-anxiety pill<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Why is he worried? The revenue stream from new products is only \u201csemi wow \u201cdue to <i>limited innovation<\/i> and feeble leadership provided by R&amp;D Chief Comrade Carl Marks and his hapless team. Since Comrade Carl believes that HR has no \u201cadded value\u201d,\u00a0 I prefer not to discuss this weird thug of a manager.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\" align=\"center\"><strong>Comrade Carl: Feeble<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"line-height: 1.5em;\">As the revenue projection for 2014 become opaque, CEO Stan has frequent nightmares about spending more time with this family. As a countermeasure to his worst fears, Stan has demanded that all senior manages text him their departmental innovation plan by Monday. Stan believes that innovation will remove the rope around his chubby neck. Stan\u2019s neck is chubby because he eats cost effective lasagna 3 times daily, prepared by his private chef, K Ray McNab-Goldstein. K Ray has mixed ethnicity.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\"><span style=\"line-height: 1.5em;\">As senior VP HR, it is very easy to innovate. And it is even easier for me since I am a thought leader. I also text very quickly- about 500 words a minute on 3 phones simultaneously in two languages. Mais oui! That\u2019s French and I am a Canadian.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\" align=\"center\"><em><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>Gloria: Innovative<\/strong><\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">Here is the HR Innovation Plan I texted to Stan. I prepared it while having my nails done.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Hiring and Firing: HR will migrate to innovative text-enabled onboarding, and text enabled \u201crelease\u201d from work.<\/li>\n<li><span style=\"line-height: 1.5em;\">Performance Evaluation: Performance Evaluations will be sent to employees via WhatsApp, which will add an innovative dimension of user friendliness and the feeling of one big happy family.<\/span><\/li>\n<li>Alumni Club: HR will view all former employees as our ambassadors. Upon termination, each employee will receive an Ambassador\u2019s\u2019 Club card, for merely $250 a year subscription, deducted from severance in 2 payments.<\/li>\n<li>Talent Management: Our talent management innovation plan is to recruit some talent, and then manage it.<\/li>\n<li>Knowledge Management: We will create an innovative Knowledge Management portal, which will be enable even more employees to be \u201cliberated\u201d from work.<\/li>\n<li>Core values: We want our sacred values to be dynamic. Thus, our sacred core values will be updated weekly, and sent to all employees\u2019 smartphones and automatically installed.<\/li>\n<li>Diversity: Innovation in Diversity will be expressed by hiring engineers who speak English. In our company, English speakers dominate HR and Sales.<\/li>\n<li><span style=\"line-height: 1.5em;\">Communication: In order to enable faster communication to support product innovation, we will ban talking.\u00a0 All communication will be done on an internal Twitter-like tool, with ideas limited to 18 words.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Our CEO Stan has started taking Xanax, an anti-anxiety pill Why is he worried? The revenue stream from new products is only \u201csemi wow \u201cdue to limited innovation and feeble leadership provided by R&amp;D Chief Comrade Carl Marks and his hapless team. Since Comrade Carl believes that HR has no \u201cadded value\u201d,\u00a0 I prefer not [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2161,"featured_media":2375,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_cbd_carousel_blocks":"[]","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[612,39],"class_list":["post-2373","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-education","tag-human-resources","tag-innovations-2"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>HR Innovation Plan 2014 - Careers in Government<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/gov-talk\/about-gov\/education\/hr-innovation-plan-2014\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"HR Innovation Plan 2014 - Careers in Government\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Our CEO Stan has started taking Xanax, an anti-anxiety pill Why is he worried? 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