{"id":3262,"date":"2014-08-03T12:31:06","date_gmt":"2014-08-03T19:31:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/?p=3262"},"modified":"2014-08-19T10:22:35","modified_gmt":"2014-08-19T17:22:35","slug":"mentoring-heart-host","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/gov-talk\/career-advice\/on-the-job\/mentoring-heart-host\/","title":{"rendered":"Mentoring with the Heart of a Host"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/gov-talk\/career-advice\/on-the-job\/mentoring-heart-host\/attachment\/mentor-leader-bell\/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-3263\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft  wp-image-3263\" src=\"https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/08\/mentor.leader.bell_.jpg\" alt=\"mentor.leader.bell\" width=\"400\" height=\"471\" \/><\/a>Being a prot\u00e9g\u00e9 in a mentoring relationship can feel like having to give a speech before a large group.\u00a0 Now, there are obviously exceptions to this.\u00a0 I do a lot of keynotes and I can\u2019t wait to hit that stage.\u00a0 But, there is a lot of research that says people\u2019s greatest fear is speaking before a large group.\u00a0 The fear is grounded in the potential of making a mistake and being harshly judged by the audience.<\/p>\n<p>The core of mentoring is the fostering of insight and discovery.\u00a0 The primary territory is beyond the zone of \u201ctried and true\u201d or \u201cI\u2019ve always done it this way.\u201d As Ken Blanchard often says, \u201cIf we only do what we have always done, we will only get what we have always gotten.\u201d\u00a0 Learning is about new ideas, skills, and attitudes.\u00a0 Therefore, the act of mentoring is nurturing prot\u00e9g\u00e9s to venture outside their comfort zones.\u00a0 That means prot\u00e9g\u00e9s must take risks.\u00a0 And, since that risk taking is happening under the very public eye of the mentor, it requires a mentor able to be an extremely friendly audience.<\/p>\n<p>Mentoring with the heart of a host means approaching the relationship with your prot\u00e9g\u00e9 like you would an important guest in your home.\u00a0 One of your goals should be the demonstration of comfort and attentiveness.\u00a0 Here are several hosting techniques important in alleviating the anxiety and aversion to risk-taking that your prot\u00e9g\u00e9 might be feeling.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Create a connection<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>The origin of the word \u201crapport\u201d comes from an old French word meaning kinship.\u00a0 Be emotional present and never preoccupied with other tasks or thoughts.\u00a0 When you are with your prot\u00e9g\u00e9, be <em>all<\/em> there\u2014mind, body and spirit.\u00a0 Listen like you are at a raffle and they are about to call out the winning number.\u00a0 Listen to learn, not to make a point or teach.\u00a0 Allocate time you are likely to not have interrupted.\u00a0 Chose a setting likely to convey comfort to the prot\u00e9g\u00e9.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Be very attentive<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Watch the non-verbal\u2019s of your prot\u00e9g\u00e9 to detect any signs of anxiety.\u00a0 Be comforting and encouraging.\u00a0 Above all, be authentic and genuine.\u00a0 Keep your body language non-judgmental with no signs of authority and power.\u00a0 Position your body at a forty-five degree angle, not directly in front or side-by-side making eye contact difficult.\u00a0 Ignore your computer, phone, PDA and allow no interruptions.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Model calm and confidence<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>If you want your anxious prot\u00e9g\u00e9 to be calm, you can start by demonstrating what that looks like.\u00a0 If you prot\u00e9g\u00e9 says something foolish, react with interest, not with criticism.\u00a0 Showing confidence does not imply cocky or arrogant; it suggests a sense of enthusiasm for your role and responsibility.\u00a0 And, it implies showing excitement about the learning process.\u00a0 Harvard professor Rosabeth Moss Kantor said, \u201cLeaders are more powerful role models when they learn than when they teach.\u201d\u00a0 Model great learning.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Use open posture and eye hugs<\/strong>\u00a0<strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Show openness in your manner and style.\u00a0 Be accepting, not judgmental; affirming, not critical.\u00a0 Avoid crossed arms, dark expressions and body language your mother used when she was displeased.\u00a0 Look at your prot\u00e9g\u00e9 with eye hugs.\u00a0 Eye hugs entail a look of compassion and caring much like a mother might look at her baby.\u00a0 It conveys valuing and acceptance.<strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Match and pace your prot\u00e9g\u00e9\u00a0<\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Again, your being congruent (on the same wave length) with your prot\u00e9g\u00e9 suggests choosing a tone and pace that feels in sync with your prot\u00e9g\u00e9\u2019s.\u00a0 Great hosts are quiet when they need to listen; curious when they need to be a catalyst for discussion.\u00a0 They carefully observe to anticipate moments of challenge or points of resistance.\u00a0<strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Be a partner!\u00a0 <\/strong><\/p>\n<p>A great mentoring relationship works best as a partner, not an expert tutoring a novice.\u00a0 A partnership for learning implies reciprocal learning.\u00a0 Encourage your prot\u00e9g\u00e9 to offer you advice and feedback so you can become the best mentor you can be.\u00a0 Prot\u00e9g\u00e9 fear always diminishes when in the presence of a valued partner.<\/p>\n<p>Chip R. Bell is a renowned keynote speaker, consultant and author of several national and international best-selling books including <a href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Managers-As-Mentors-Building-Partnerships\/dp\/160994710X\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\"><strong>Managers as Mentors<\/strong><\/a> (with Marshall Goldsmith) and his newest book <strong><a href=\"http:\/\/www.simpletruths.com\/inspirational-books\/nine-one-half-principles-of-innovative-service.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">The 9\u00bd Principles of Innovative Service<\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Being a prot\u00e9g\u00e9 in a mentoring relationship can feel like having to give a speech before a large group.\u00a0 Now, there are obviously exceptions to this.\u00a0 I do a lot of keynotes and I can\u2019t wait to hit that stage.\u00a0 But, there is a lot of research that says people\u2019s greatest fear is speaking before [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2166,"featured_media":3263,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_cbd_carousel_blocks":"[]","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[32],"tags":[8,33],"class_list":["post-3262","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-on-the-job","tag-leadership","tag-management-advice"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.6 - 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