His organization helps clients and their teams improve leadership engagement in order to achieve superior results. He is an expert in the fields of leadership, change, dialogue, critical thinking, conflict resolution, and emotional intelligence, and has worked and spoken to such\u00a0companies as\u00a0Cox Communications,\u00a0Lockheed Martin, Honeywell, and AbbVie.\u00a0Connect with him on Facebook, LinkedIn, or Twitter.\u00a0<\/em>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”2_3″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″ column_padding_mobile=”on” parallax=”off” parallax_method=”off”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.19.9″ text_font=”PT Serif||||” text_text_color=”#363636″ text_font_size=”24″ text_font_size_last_edited=”on|tablet” text_line_height=”1.5em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” max_width=”720px” custom_margin=”0px||0px|”]<\/p>\nWhen I was just beginning my corporate career, there was a manager in our department that everyone referred to as the \u201cWhy-man.\u201d \u00a0He didn\u2019t understand the proper use of the \u201c5 Why\u2019s\u201d tool which has the purpose of diving deeper in root-cause analysis.<\/p>\n
Rather, his \u201cwhy\u2019s\u201d were used to demean, not to seek understanding. He would ask such questions like, \u201cWhy did you do that?\u201d \u201cWhy did you think that would work?\u201d \u201cWhy did I ever believe you could do this?\u201d or, \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you check with me first?\u201d There is nothing inherently wrong with asking \u201cwhy\u201d questions, but when using a sarcastic, cynical, or demeaning tone like he did, the underlying message is, \u201cYou\u2019re an idiot.\u201d<\/p>\n
It\u2019s also important to distinguish between \u201cwhy\u201d and \u201cwhat\u201d questions and the results of each. Asking \u201cwhy\u201d questions forces the listener to reflect on the past and to defend their actions or thoughts. For example, if you are asked, \u201cWhy did you do that?\u201d, notice that this prompts you to remember what happened in the past, recall what you were thinking at the time, uncover the motivation behind your actions, and then formulate an answer that is reasonable, rational, and acceptable to the person asking the question.<\/p>\n
I have found that asking \u201cwhat\u201d questions are generally more effective in eliciting productive responses. \u201cWhat\u201d questions are not only more neutral in their effect on the individual, but they can also be used to move a person into the future.<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”3.0.74″ background_color=”#f7f7f4″ custom_padding=”0px||0px|”][et_pb_row make_fullwidth=”on” custom_width_px=”680px” use_custom_gutter=”on” gutter_width=”1″ custom_padding=”0px||0px|” make_equal=”on” column_padding_mobile=”on” background_color_2=”#efefe9″ parallax_method_1=”off” parallax_method_2=”off” _builder_version=”3.0.47″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”2_3″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″ column_padding_mobile=”on” parallax=”off” parallax_method=”off”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/questions3.jpg” show_bottom_space=”off” force_fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”3.19.9″ animation=”off” sticky=”on”][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_3″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″ column_padding_mobile=”on” background_color=”#efefe9″ parallax=”off” parallax_method=”off”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/questions2.png” show_bottom_space=”off” _builder_version=”3.19.9″ animation=”off” sticky=”on”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text disabled_on=”off|off|” _builder_version=”3.19.9″ text_font=”PT Serif||||” text_text_color=”#818178″ text_font_size=”24″ text_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” text_line_height=”1.4em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” text_orientation=”center” module_alignment=”center” custom_margin=”20%|10%||10%” custom_margin_tablet=”|10%||10%” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|desktop”]<\/p>\n
Asking \u201cwhy\u201d questions forces the listener to reflect on the past and to defend their actions or thoughts.<\/span><\/p>\n[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.0.47″ text_font=”PT Sans|on|||” text_text_color=”#888888″ text_font_size=”12″ text_letter_spacing=”2px” text_line_height=”1.2em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” text_orientation=”center” module_alignment=”center” custom_margin=”20px||20%|” custom_margin_tablet=”20px|||” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|tablet”] JOHN STOKER [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″ custom_padding=”0px||0px|”][et_pb_row use_custom_width=”on” custom_width_px=”1200px” use_custom_gutter=”on” gutter_width=”4″ custom_padding=”3px||0px|” custom_padding_tablet=”0px|||” column_padding_mobile=”on” custom_padding_last_edited=”on|tablet” parallax_method_1=”off” parallax_method_2=”off” parallax_method_3=”off” parallax_method_4=”off” admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”3.0.47″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″ column_padding_mobile=”on” parallax=”off” parallax_method=”off”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.19.9″ text_font=”PT Serif||||” text_text_color=”#363636″ text_font_size=”20″ text_font_size_last_edited=”on|tablet” text_line_height=”1.4em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” custom_margin=”60px||0px|” custom_margin_tablet=”40px||0px|” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|tablet”]<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s suppose a person did as you asked and their performance didn\u2019t yield the desired results. They know the results of their actions didn\u2019t meet your expectations, so it\u2019s important to ask the right question to avoid defensiveness and excuses in their response. Rather than ask a \u201cwhy\u201d question which will likely not prompt the reply you are looking for, you could ask, \u201cWhat did you learn?\u201d to explore their understanding. Or, \u201cWhat would you do differently going forward?\u201d Notice in this instance, your question will move the person to reflect, discover, and project into the future in order to formulate their answer. Their response to such a question helps you to understand their thinking process and what might have been done instead to yield a better outcome. Rather than making someone feel attacked, this type of question is motivational and helps people want to improve. This is vastly different than asking questions that are demeaning and may not result in a truthful or beneficial response.<\/p>\n
In addition to avoiding \u201cwhy\u201d questions, here are six common examples of questions not to ask.<\/p>\n
\u201cWere you even thinking when you did this?\u201d<\/strong> This question is an attack<\/strong> on the person\u2019s judgment<\/strong>. It is really nothing more than saying, \u201cYou obviously weren\u2019t thinking when you did this.\u201d Such a question is not a discovery question but is a disguised \u201ctell\u201d\u2014a statement disguised as a question. This question forces the person to rehearse what they did and prompt a defensive response, reinforcing the negative rather than inspiring positive change. What might be more effective is to simply ask, \u201cHelp me understand what you were trying to achieve.\u201d or, \u201cWhat was your rationale for taking this course of action?\u201d would be a more productive course to take.<\/p>\n\u201cWill<\/strong> you ever be finished with that?\u201d<\/strong> This question serves to criticize the person<\/strong> who is undertaking a task. It also carries the assumption that the person can\u2019t be counted on to meet their commitment. How is a person even supposed to answer such a question? Any answer they give, such as, \u201cIt is taking longer than we had forecasted,\u201d is unacceptable because the deadline may have already passed. This question really makes the point that the person is failing or is not meeting expectations. How much more effective would it be to simply ask, \u201cCan you give me a concrete completion date for the task?\u201d This kind of question requires the person to think and analyze what would be required to meet the deadline. It may also result in an open dialogue about issues that need to be considered to ensure timely completion.<\/p>\n\u201cDon\u2019t you think you should have\u2026?\u201d<\/strong> The purpose of this question is to give advice<\/strong>. The way this question is framed forces the person who responds to say something like, \u201cWell, I guess I should have\u2026.\u201d Most people would never counter their leader by saying, \u201cNo, I didn\u2019t think I should have\u2026.\u201d This \u201cshould\u201d question is really nothing more than a statement of, \u201cYou should have \u2026.\u201d If you really want to understand a person and how they are viewing an issue, notice how much more powerful it is to ask, \u201cWhat do you think you should do?\u201d This is an open-ended question that inspires reflection and thoughtful response which is exactly what you want to take place.<\/p>\n\u201cWere you the one who did this?\u201d<\/strong> If the person who asks this question knows for sure that the other person did what they did, then the question serves nothing more than to emphasize, \u201cI know you did this and you blew it.\u201d This question serves to assign blame<\/strong>. Such a question does not seek understanding, clarity, or learning. Its purpose is to accuse, blame, and belittle.<\/p>\n“Didn\u2019t you know that\u2026?\u201d<\/strong> This question is about making a point<\/strong>. Obviously, if someone did the wrong thing, they didn\u2019t know what they should have done, or they wouldn\u2019t have done it. People will typically respond, \u201cNo, I didn\u2019t know that.\u201d It is a way of making the person admit what they didn\u2019t know, or it may encourage the person to blame someone else to avoid the consequences. In asking this question, the questioner misses the opportunity to learn what the person did or didn\u2019t know and what they were hoping to achieve by their actions.<\/p>\n\u201cYou did what?\u201d<\/strong> This question forces the person to self-justify<\/strong> their action or thinking. The person and the questioner obviously know what the person did or they could make mention of it in a question. Such a question serves to criticize the individual. It forces the person to identify their thinking in a forced admittance that they did the wrong thing. Rather than asking this question in a calm, respectful manner, it is usually asked in anger and frustration because of the lack of results. Again, the person answering the question may go so far as to justify their actions rather than assess and make improvements in the future.<\/p>\nThese questions are usually asked out of frustration, and they will not help you get the answers you seek. Such questions tend to be disrespectful and demeaning, especially as they are usually accompanied by a negative tone and motivation. Unfortunately, all of us have likely either asked or been asked these types of questions. One of the easiest ways to create respect with others is to ask questions that will let the other person know that you are trying to understand and support them. Asking the right questions takes deliberate, thoughtful effort on your part. Taking the time to formulate and craft effective questions will help you get the answers you seek, increase rapport and respect, and improve your personal and professional results.<\/p>\n
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These questions are usually asked out of frustration, and they will not help you get the answers you seek. Such questions tend to be disrespectful and demeaning, especially as they are usually accompanied by a negative tone and motivation. Unfortunately, all of us have likely either asked or been asked these types of questions.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2956,"featured_media":34656,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_cbd_carousel_blocks":"[]","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[41,54],"class_list":["post-34655","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-about-gov","tag-career-advice-2","tag-mentoring"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n
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