{"id":35292,"date":"2019-11-06T20:16:25","date_gmt":"2019-11-07T04:16:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/careersingovernment.com\/tools\/?p=35292"},"modified":"2019-11-06T20:16:31","modified_gmt":"2019-11-07T04:16:31","slug":"workplace-bullying-what-to-do-if-you-or-someone-else-is-being-bullied","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/gov-talk\/career-advice\/on-the-job\/workplace-bullying-what-to-do-if-you-or-someone-else-is-being-bullied\/","title":{"rendered":"Workplace Bullying: What to Do if You or Someone Else is Being Bullied"},"content":{"rendered":"

[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ custom_padding_last_edited=”on|desktop” admin_label=”section” _builder_version=”3.19.9″ background_image=”https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/bully.jpg” custom_padding=”25.25px|0px|223px|0px|false|false” custom_padding_tablet=”50px|0|50px|0″][et_pb_row admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”3.0.47″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”1_3″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″ parallax=”off” parallax_method=”on”][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”2_3″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″ parallax=”off” parallax_method=”on”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.19.9″ text_font=”PT Sans||||” text_text_color=”#ffffff” text_font_size=”72″ text_font_size_tablet=”52″ text_font_size_last_edited=”on|tablet” text_line_height=”1.1em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” max_width=”620px” custom_margin=”0px||0px|”]<\/p>\n

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Workplace Bullying: What to Do if You or Someone Else is Being Bullied<\/strong><\/p>\n

[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ custom_padding_last_edited=”on|desktop” _builder_version=”3.0.74″ custom_padding=”30px|0px|0|0px|false|false” custom_padding_tablet=”50px|0|50px|0″][et_pb_row use_custom_width=”on” custom_width_px=”1200px” custom_padding=”20px||0px|” custom_padding_tablet=”0px|||” column_padding_mobile=”on” custom_padding_last_edited=”on|tablet” parallax_method_1=”off” parallax_method_2=”off” admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”3.0.47″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”1_3″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″ column_padding_mobile=”on” parallax=”off” parallax_method=”off”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/john-stoker-1.jpg” show_bottom_space=”off” align=”center” disabled_on=”on|on|” _builder_version=”3.2″ animation=”off” sticky=”on”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text disabled_on=”on|on|” _builder_version=”3.0.47″ text_font=”PT Sans|on|||” text_text_color=”#02b875″ text_font_size=”20″ text_line_height=”1.2em” header_text_color=”#000000″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” text_orientation=”center” max_width=”140px” module_alignment=”center” custom_margin=”20px||0px|”]JOHN STOKER<\/a><\/span>
\n[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text disabled_on=”on|on|” _builder_version=”3.13.1″ text_font=”PT Serif||on||” text_text_color=”#363636″ text_font_size=”16″ text_line_height=”1.4em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” text_orientation=”center” max_width=”140px” module_alignment=”center” custom_margin=”10px||60px|”]John\u00a0R. Stoker\u00a0is the\u00a0author of\u00a0 “<\/em>Overcoming Fake Talk”<\/em>\u00a0and the president of Dialogue WORKS, Inc.\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>His organization helps clients and their teams improve leadership engagement in order to achieve superior results. He is an expert in the fields of leadership, change, dialogue, critical thinking, conflict resolution, and emotional intelligence, and has worked and spoken to such\u00a0companies as\u00a0Cox Communications,\u00a0Lockheed Martin, Honeywell, and AbbVie.\u00a0Connect with him on Facebook, LinkedIn, or Twitter.\u00a0<\/em>
\n[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”2_3″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″ column_padding_mobile=”on” parallax=”off” parallax_method=”off”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.19.9″ text_font=”PT Serif||||” text_text_color=”#363636″ text_font_size=”24″ text_font_size_last_edited=”on|tablet” text_line_height=”1.5em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” max_width=”720px” custom_margin=”0px||0px|”]<\/p>\n

I recently spoke at a multi-day educational conference on different aspects of emotional intelligence. At the end of each presentation, people came up asking for some advice or coaching in situations where people are bullied. Some people asked, \u201cWhat can I do if I am being bullied?\u201d Others asked, \u201cWhat can I do if I see others being bullied?\u201d It appeared as if these people were overwhelmed and suffocating in the emotions that accompanied their experience. Listening to people\u2019s experiences prompted a fair amount of introspection and a desire to address the issue of bullying whenever it occurs.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Why Does This Happen?<\/b><\/h4>\n

Over the years I have noticed that we tend to <\/span>compare<\/span><\/i> ourselves and our performance to others. These comparisons, whether accurate or not, lead individuals to compete with the object of their comparison. This so-called competition may be an attempt on our part to simply outperform others or to prove to ourselves that we are not as bad as we have decided we are. If we can\u2019t seem to compete on some level, we may next <\/span>complain<\/span><\/i> about others or their performance. What usually follows the complaining phase is some sort of <\/span>criticism<\/span><\/i> of the other person which eventually devolves into the <\/span>condemnation<\/span><\/i> of that person. I call this very destructive process the \u201cFive C\u2019s.\u201d As a result of this process, the person who feels inferior might turn to bullying in order to gain a sense of control.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Those who become the targets of such behavior often end up feeling embarrassed and immobilized. They may experience feelings of helplessness, grief, pain, and depression. They start to believe that they don\u2019t fit in, that they aren\u2019t accepted or acceptable, nor are they deemed to be good enough by others\u2019 standards. Such thoughts and feelings taken to the extreme may even result in people becoming suicidal. At the very least, their capacity to perform is severely diminished.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Here are some suggestions for those who are bullied and for those who may observe others being bullied.<\/span><\/p>\n

[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”3.0.74″ background_color=”#f7f7f4″ custom_padding=”0px||0px|”][et_pb_row make_fullwidth=”on” custom_width_px=”680px” use_custom_gutter=”on” gutter_width=”1″ custom_padding=”0px||0px|” make_equal=”on” column_padding_mobile=”on” background_color_2=”#efefe9″ parallax_method_1=”off” parallax_method_2=”off” _builder_version=”3.0.47″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”2_3″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″ column_padding_mobile=”on” parallax=”off” parallax_method=”off”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/bully2.jpg” show_bottom_space=”off” force_fullwidth=”on” _builder_version=”3.19.9″ animation=”off” sticky=”on”][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_3″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″ column_padding_mobile=”on” background_color=”#efefe9″ parallax=”off” parallax_method=”off”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/bully3.jpg” show_bottom_space=”off” _builder_version=”3.19.9″ animation=”off” sticky=”on”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text disabled_on=”off|off|” _builder_version=”3.19.9″ text_font=”PT Serif||||” text_text_color=”#818178″ text_font_size=”24″ text_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” text_line_height=”1.4em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” text_orientation=”center” module_alignment=”center” custom_margin=”20%|10%||10%” custom_margin_tablet=”|10%||10%” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|desktop”]<\/p>\n

If you are a bully, stop it. Your behavior will not improve the situation.<\/span><\/p>\n

[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.19.9″ text_font=”PT Sans|on|||” text_text_color=”#888888″ text_font_size=”12″ text_letter_spacing=”2px” text_line_height=”1.2em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” text_orientation=”center” module_alignment=”center” custom_margin=”20px||20%|” custom_margin_tablet=”20px|||” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|tablet”]<\/p>\n

JOHN STOKER<\/p>\n

[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″ custom_padding=”0||0px||false|false”][et_pb_row use_custom_width=”on” custom_width_px=”1200px” use_custom_gutter=”on” gutter_width=”4″ custom_padding=”0||0px||false|false” custom_padding_tablet=”0px|||” column_padding_mobile=”on” custom_padding_last_edited=”on|tablet” parallax_method_1=”off” parallax_method_2=”off” parallax_method_3=”off” parallax_method_4=”off” admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”3.0.47″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”3.0.47″ column_padding_mobile=”on” parallax=”off” parallax_method=”off”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”3.19.9″ text_font=”PT Serif||||” text_text_color=”#363636″ text_font_size=”20″ text_font_size_last_edited=”on|tablet” text_line_height=”1.4em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” custom_margin=”60px||0px|” custom_margin_tablet=”40px||0px|” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|tablet”]<\/p>\n

What to Do if You Are Being Bullied<\/b><\/h4>\n

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Recognize What\u2019s Happening<\/b><\/p>\n

Bullying<\/span><\/a> is generally defined as an intentional act that causes harm to others and may involve verbal harassment, verbal or non-verbal threats, physical assault, stalking, or other methods of coercion such as manipulation, blackmail, or extortion. It is aggressive behavior that intends to hurt, threaten, or frighten another person. An imbalance of power between the aggressor and the victim is often involved.<\/span> Understanding that you are being targeted is the first step in making a change. If you see a repeated pattern of inappropriate and hurtful behavior, it is important to recognize it for what it is.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Take Courage<\/b><\/p>\n

It takes courage to stop this type of behavior. Although fear is a powerful emotion, it is important to identify what needs to change and make a plan to create a different outcome.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Recognize the Choice<\/b><\/p>\n

Wherever you find yourself, no matter how bad the situation, it is important to remember that you always have a choice about how you are perceiving the situation and how you will choose to respond to it. Choosing to play \u201cthe victim\u201d and doing nothing will not improve the situation. You alone can decide how you will respond and move forward in the context of that choice.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Seek Feedback<\/b><\/p>\n

Although it may be difficult, talking with the person who seems to have an issue with you may help clear up any misunderstandings or problems that may be driving their behavior. You can also seek to improve your understanding of the current situation from others you know and trust. Gaining additional specific information will help you understand a different perspective and allow you to make any necessary changes.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ask for Advice<\/b><\/p>\n

Gather as much information as possible about what is happening.\u00a0 Identify people you know and trust who can properly advise you in the situation. It may be someone in Human Resources or it may be a person in a leadership position that can provide needed objectivity with your experience and recommend a course of action.<\/span><\/p>\n

Brainstorm Solutions<\/b><\/p>\n

Generating a number of different options for handling a negative situation, either by yourself or with respected others, will help to broaden your view of the situation and increase your objectivity. This may also serve to provide some hope that things can be improved.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Search for the Basis of Your Feelings<\/b><\/p>\n

If you are the focal point of bullying, the feelings that result from such treatment can be horrendous. Try to set your emotions aside and surface the thinking behind your feelings. For example, if your thinking was something like, \u201cI will never be able to make a difference here,\u201d then you need to ask yourself if such thinking is absolutely true. You will find that your thinking is flawed and inaccurate at best. When you can acknowledge that, then you can suspend the feelings that seem to color every moment. Remember that changing your thinking is an excellent way to change your feelings.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Forgive Them and Do Your Best to Move On<\/b><\/p>\n

This is one of the hardest things to do, particularly if you have been unfairly or unjustly treated. However, the lack of forgiveness is emotionally and physically oppressive. It would serve you better to lighten your load and release the heavy negativity that encompasses holding a grudge, negative feelings, or judgments of others.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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What Can You Do if You See Others Being Bullied?<\/b><\/h4>\n

Look for Truth<\/b><\/p>\n

If you have been on the receiving end of gossip, rumors, and negative judgments of others, you need to set all of that aside and look to find the truth in the situation. This forces you to look for data and fact, rather than accept the negative judgments and opinions of others. In doing so, you may find a lack of evidence to support the conclusions that others are offering as fact. This may necessitate establishing rapport with the accused and speaking with them instead of avoiding them and assuming the worst.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Seek Understanding<\/b><\/p>\n

This requires that you ask questions and listen to what others have to say. It also implies that you move past the assumptions from which others are operating and look to establish your own conclusions rather than taking everything at face value.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Show Up for the Accused<\/b><\/p>\n

You may be privy to the negative judgments, rumors, accusations, and gossip that are being spread by others about someone. When this happens, you can squelch the negativity by asking the offending party to show evidence to support what they are saying. Don\u2019t be surprised if the person becomes defensive and can\u2019t provide the evidence you are asking for. Let them know that you are simply trying to understand the basis for their accusations.<\/span><\/p>\n

Separate Fact From Fiction<\/b><\/p>\n

Fact is verifiable information while individual interpretation is the meaning that people assign the facts. For example, if an individual didn\u2019t say anything in a meeting, that would be a fact. But if someone else said that the person didn\u2019t say anything in the meeting because they were uncomfortable with the topic that would likely be their interpretation, not fact, unless they were privy to information you were not. Such an interpretation is impossible to establish as accurate unless one seeks to validate the meaning behind the behavior.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Offer Support and Encouragement<\/b><\/p>\n

When people are being bullied, they generally feel like they are completely alone. Others tend to avoid the person who is being targeted out of fear that they will be targeted also. Taking the time to support others in their challenges helps keep the person from feeling ostracized and lets them know they aren\u2019t facing the situation alone.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Be Kind<\/b><\/p>\n

Being kind and understanding may provide you the opportunity to save another human being. We often judge ourselves by the way that people treat us. That is one reason that bullying can be so devastating. Taking the time to give those who are being maligned the benefit of the doubt, taking the time to get a clear perspective of the situation, and offering assistance where needed will help those being targeted feel valued and supported.<\/span><\/p>\n

During my conference when I heard some of the stories that people had to share about bullying, I was shocked. As professional adults I would like to believe that we would be above such behavior, but sadly, that\u2019s not always true. If you are a bully, stop it. Your behavior will not improve the situation. If you are being bullied, know that there will be better tomorrows and those tomorrows can be improved by the choices you make today. If you see others being bullied, reach out to them and be kind and understanding; offer support and help where appropriate. In a time when there is so much negativity and incivility toward others, I would hope that we all might make the choice to rise above the negativity and make a positive difference in the lives of others.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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I recently spoke at a multi-day educational conference on different aspects of emotional intelligence. At the end of each presentation, people came up asking for some advice or coaching in situations where people are bullied. Some people asked, \u201cWhat can I do if I am being bullied?\u201d Others asked, \u201cWhat can I do if I see others being bullied?\u201d It appeared as if these people were overwhelmed and suffocating in the emotions that accompanied their experience. Listening to people\u2019s experiences prompted a fair amount of introspection and a desire to address the issue of bullying whenever it occurs. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2956,"featured_media":35293,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_cbd_carousel_blocks":"[]","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[32],"tags":[54],"class_list":["post-35292","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-on-the-job","tag-mentoring"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nWorkplace Bullying: What to Do if You or Someone Else is Being Bullied - Careers in Government<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Some people asked, \u201cWhat can I do if I am being bullied?\u201d Others asked, \u201cWhat can I do if I see others being bullied?\u201d\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/gov-talk\/career-advice\/on-the-job\/workplace-bullying-what-to-do-if-you-or-someone-else-is-being-bullied\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Workplace Bullying: What to Do if You or Someone Else is Being Bullied - 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