{"id":3590,"date":"2014-10-08T19:34:17","date_gmt":"2014-10-09T02:34:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/?p=3590"},"modified":"2014-10-09T22:42:07","modified_gmt":"2014-10-10T05:42:07","slug":"improve-relationship-boss","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/gov-talk\/career-advice\/improve-relationship-boss\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Improve Your Relationship With Your Boss"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"improve<\/a>There is no doubt, your relationship with your boss is the number one predictor of your job satisfaction. Studies have shown that your feelings about your boss, even trumps your satisfaction with pay.<\/p>\n

It matters how it feels to come to work each day.<\/p>\n

If you don\u2019t have a perfect relationship with your boss, you\u2019re not alone. It doesn\u2019t have to be that way. You have more power than you think.<\/p>\n

For the next 2.5 minutes, I\u2019m asking you to replace any feelings for your boss that feel like \u201cfrustration\u201d with the inquiry of \u201cintrigued.\u201d<\/p>\n

You can improve this relationship. You should. Here\u2019s how.<\/p>\n

Why It\u2019s Hard<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

The boss-subordinate relationship is unnatural by design. We sell our power for money. We look to a person we have not chosen (whom we may or may not respect) for affirmation, evaluation, and reward.<\/p>\n

In order to \u201csucceed,\u201d we strive to figure out what will make the guy like us and adjust our style accordingly. We take every criticism to heart, even when we don\u2019t believe it.<\/p>\n

We take this already unnatural structure and impose even more awkward performance feedback systems.<\/p>\n

Imagine if we burdened our home relationships with some of the same formal systems we impose at work.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoney, I\u2019ve decided to give you an end of year appraisal. Your cooking\u2019s improved, and you\u2019re taking out the trash without being reminded, you get an A in housework. But you\u2019ve ben so stressed lately; I have to give romance a B-.<\/p>\n

We wouldn\u2019t even consider that stunt with our children, where we have more power.<\/p>\n

If such tactics wouldn\u2019t work with people who know and love us, why would we imagine they would enhance trust at work?<\/p>\n

The Secret to a Great Boss Subordinate Relationship<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

The secret to a healthy boss-subordinate relationship is to remember that it\u2019s just that, a relationship. You\u2019re two messy human beings doing the best you can.<\/p>\n

Beginning in the space of imperfection offers much freedom and power. It\u2019s not your boss\u2019s responsibility to motivate you, develop you, or direct your career. That\u2019s your job. Sure the best leaders will help you grow, but never forget who\u2019s really in charge.<\/p>\n

Seeing your boss as a flawed human being has other benefits too. Instead of judging him on how well he\u2019s doing, focus on how you can best support him. Not in a \u201ckissing up\u201d or \u201cif I do this, he\u2019ll owe me that\u201d sort of way. But because you\u2019re too messy human beings in a relationship, working on the work.<\/p>\n

Regardless of whether your boss is the best one ever, or a royal pain in the butt, there\u2019s a good chance your boss also:<\/p>\n

Wants you to succeed<\/p>\n

Is dealing with pressures you don\u2019t truly understand<\/p>\n

Sometimes feels overwhelmed<\/p>\n

Is trying to please a boss too<\/p>\n

Is working to balance work and family<\/p>\n

Is doing the best she can<\/p>\n

Can use your help.<\/p>\n

Starting the Conversation<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

One of my favorite bosses had such highs and lows that we gave her two nearly matched Barbie dolls for her desk. The first was immaculately dressed in typical Barbie fashion, matching skirt, shoes and pearls. The other doll wore ripped clothes, had magic maker on her face, and hair that looked like it had been eaten by a cat.<\/p>\n

We chose a \u201cgood Barbie day\u201d to approach her with our plan. Our request was that she put the doll out that be portrayed her mood as a warning sign. We knew that if \u201cevil\u201d Barbie was lurking, we needed to lay low. Not ideal for sure. No one wants a moody boss.<\/p>\n

And yet, she accepted the gift with a smile. She used the dolls, and requested, for our benefit. Thankfully, she got the point when one of use went to her shelf and switched the dolls.<\/p>\n

There was also the Vice President who blew a gasket because of a stupid (yet fixable) mistake one of my employees had made. He screamed and yelled at me just minutes before I had to grab a microphone and give a motivational speech to my organization. I had choices. I could have become rattled and let his poor leadership choice screw up my ability to lead. Instead I looked him in the eye and calmly shared, \u201cI can see you\u2019re really upset, and I\u2019m sorry. We need to talk about what happened here and address it. But right now, I have hundreds of people waiting for me for inspiration. Please excuse me.\u201d I turned around and elft my office, not sure if I would have a job when I returned.<\/p>\n

I gave my speech, fixed the mistake, and his entire demeanor changed. We never did specifically discuss the outburst or what had triggered it. We didn\u2019t need to. This \u201cscreamer never raised his voice to me again, and became one of the best bosses or mentors ever had.<\/p>\n

Great Questions to Ask Your Boss<\/strong><\/p>\n

So you\u2019re not ready to go the Barbie doll or walk away and pray route? Set up some time with your boss and come prepared with a few great questions.<\/p>\n

Start by sharing how interested you are in her insights.\u00a0A little flattery can never hurt in this arena.<\/p>\n

Express your desire for deeper feedback that will help you be more effective for the company.\u00a0Ask for specifics that will help you identify some new behaviors to increase your effectiveness.<\/p>\n

Take it all in and step back and consider the possibilities from the conversation. You don\u2019t have to agree with it all, but if you want to open the door for richer insights, it\u2019s important that you respond well.<\/p>\n

Of course you don\u2019t want to bombard your boss with all of these in one sitting, but here\u2019s some options to get the conversation started. It matters less what you ask, then just getting the dialogue started.<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. What specifically can I do to better support our team\u2019s mission?<\/li>\n
  2. What do your peers say about me?<\/li>\n
  3. If your boss were to give me one piece of advice, what would it be?<\/li>\n
  4. Who should I be working with more closely?<\/li>\n
  5. What could I be doing to make your job easier?<\/li>\n
  6. To what do you attribute your own career success?<\/li>\n
  7. How can I be more effective in that arena?<\/li>\n
  8. Which parts of my style concern you the most?<\/li>\n
  9. Specifically, what do I need to work on to be ready for ___________ (insert the job or assignment you are most interested in here).<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    What if He\u2019s Really a Jerk?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

    Now, you may be thinking. \u201cSeriously, my boss would just laugh and close the door if I asked him for such an appointment. What do I do then?<\/p>\n

    If you think your boss is a jerk, and everyone else does too, I challenge you to go deeper. Get to know her. Tell her the truth. If everybody\u2019s frustrated she knows it but doesn\u2019t know how to fix it. Chances are under all that crap, she is starving for help. Don\u2019t bring the band, or the wagon. Someone will speak the truth, why not you?<\/p>\n

    Don\u2019t Let a Bad Boss Make You a Jerk<\/strong><\/p>\n

    Whatever you do, don\u2019t sit around commiserating about the jerk . Stay focused on the work and avoid the gossip. If you need to talk to someone chose HR or some other formal support.<\/p>\n

    Pay close attention to how the stress is impacting you, your team, and your family. Find folks who will tell you the truth. Jerky behaviors are contagious, so be sure you\u2019re staying true to your leadership philosophy.<\/p>\n

    Find ways to ground yourself: exercise, mediation, and prayer are all good options. Remember that you are you, and this jerky boss is just one transient person in your life. This season will end, but you will live with who you are becoming forever.<\/p>\n

    Use the Experience to Develop Your Leadership<\/strong><\/p>\n

    You can learn as much from a bad boss as a good one. Pay close attention to the impact your boss\u2019s behaviors have on you and your teammates. What doesn\u2019t kill you will make you a stronger leader. Keep a journal or make a running list. Make a vow to never be \u201cthat guy.\u201d<\/p>\n

    Should I Quit?<\/strong><\/p>\n

    \u201cPeople don\u2019t quit jobs, they quit people.\u201d If you\u2019re a leader, know this is true. If people keep leaving for other opportunities, it\u2019s not them, it\u2019s you.<\/p>\n

    But if you\u2019re considering leaving your job because of a bad boss, think well. Bosses come and go. Don\u2019t waste all you\u2019ve invested because of one jerky guy.<\/p>\n

    On the other hand, if you jerky boss is just one part of the problem, look deeper. If you\u2019re not making an impact, feel emotionally exhausted, trapped, or feel like you\u2019re not using your skills, it may be bigger than a bad boss issue.<\/p>\n

    Everyone has a boss. Why not be the guy who makes a career out of building extraordinary relationships with yours?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    There is no doubt, your relationship with your boss is the number one predictor of your job satisfaction. Studies have shown that your feelings about your boss, even trumps your satisfaction with pay. It matters how it feels to come to work each day. If you don\u2019t have a perfect relationship with your boss, you\u2019re […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2913,"featured_media":3591,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_cbd_carousel_blocks":"[]","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[8,38],"class_list":["post-3590","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-career-advice","tag-leadership","tag-management-government-administration"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Improve Your Relationship With Your Boss - Careers in Government<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/gov-talk\/career-advice\/improve-relationship-boss\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Improve Your Relationship With Your Boss - Careers in Government\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"There is no doubt, your relationship with your boss is the number one predictor of your job satisfaction. 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