{"id":41013,"date":"2022-03-29T18:59:01","date_gmt":"2022-03-30T01:59:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/?p=41013"},"modified":"2022-04-10T09:35:35","modified_gmt":"2022-04-10T16:35:35","slug":"want-to-be-a-better-listener-then-dont-hijack-the-conversation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/gov-talk\/about-gov\/education\/want-to-be-a-better-listener-then-dont-hijack-the-conversation\/","title":{"rendered":"Want to Be a Better Listener? Then Don\u2019t Hijack the Conversation!"},"content":{"rendered":"

[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ custom_padding_last_edited=”on|desktop” admin_label=”section” _builder_version=”4.15.1″ background_image=”https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/1-12.jpeg” custom_padding_tablet=”50px|0|50px|0″ custom_padding_phone=”” padding_mobile=”off” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_3,2_3″ admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”4.15″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”1_3″ _builder_version=”4.15″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”2_3″ _builder_version=”4.15″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_divider show_divider=”off” disabled_on=”on|on|off” _builder_version=”4.15″ height=”200px” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.15.1″ text_font=”PT Sans||||” text_text_color=”#ffffff” text_font_size=”72″ text_line_height=”1.1em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” max_width=”620px” custom_margin=”0px||0px|” text_font_size_tablet=”52″ text_font_size_phone=”” text_font_size_last_edited=”on|tablet” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n

Want to Be a Better Listener? Then Don\u2019t Hijack the Conversation!<\/strong><\/p>\n

[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ custom_padding_last_edited=”on|desktop” _builder_version=”4.15″ custom_padding_tablet=”50px|0|50px|0″ custom_padding_phone=”” padding_mobile=”off” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_3,2_3″ column_padding_mobile=”on” custom_padding_last_edited=”on|tablet” admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”4.15″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” max_width=”1200px” custom_padding=”20px||0px|” custom_padding_tablet=”0px|||” custom_padding_phone=”” use_custom_width=”on” custom_width_px=”1200px” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”1_3″ _builder_version=”4.15″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/BobTiede-Headshot-4-18.jpg” title_text=”BobTiede Headshot 4-18″ show_bottom_space=”off” align=”center” align_tablet=”center” align_phone=”” align_last_edited=”on|desktop” disabled_on=”on|on|” _builder_version=”4.15″ animation=”off” sticky=”on” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text disabled_on=”on|on|” _builder_version=”4.15″ text_font=”PT Sans|on|||” text_text_color=”#02b875″ text_font_size=”20″ text_line_height=”1.2em” header_text_color=”#000000″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” text_orientation=”center” max_width=”140px” module_alignment=”center” custom_margin=”20px||0px|” global_colors_info=”{}”] BOB TIEDE<\/a><\/span> [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text disabled_on=”on|on|” _builder_version=”4.15.1″ text_font=”PT Serif||on||” text_text_color=”#363636″ text_font_size=”16″ text_line_height=”1.4em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” text_orientation=”center” max_width=”140px” module_alignment=”center” custom_margin=”10px||60px|” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n

Bob Tiede\u00a0has been on the staff of Cru for 46 years. He currently serves on the U.S. Leadership Development Team and is passionate about seeing leaders grow and multiply their effectiveness. Bob is also an Author and Blogger. His free eBook\u00a0\u201cGreat Leaders ASK Questions \u2013 A Fortune 100 List\u201d\u00a0(downloaded by leaders in over 100 Nations the first week it was released) is available for free download on his Blog:\u00a0LeadingWithQuestions.com now in its 9th year and followed by Leaders in over 190 countries.<\/p>\n

[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”2_3″ _builder_version=”4.15″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.15.1″ text_font=”PT Serif||||” text_text_color=”#363636″ text_font_size=”24″ text_line_height=”1.5em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” max_width=”720px” custom_margin=”0px||0px|” text_font_size_tablet=”” text_font_size_phone=”” text_font_size_last_edited=”on|tablet” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n

Has this ever been your experience:<\/p>\n

You ask your friend: What have you been up to?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Your friend shares:\u00a0\u00a0We just got back from Paris, France.<\/strong><\/p>\n

If you have been to Paris, France, what do you immediately want to tell your friend?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Of course \u2013 you want to tell your friend about your trip to Paris!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Can you recount times when your colleague or friend shared about something you too have experienced, and you instantly began to share your experience?<\/p>\n

When you instantly start sharing your experience what are you doing?\u00a0 YES – You Are Hijacking the Conversation!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Good Listeners do not hijack conversations!<\/strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0\u00a0It does not matter how many times you have been to Paris \u2013 it is not about you \u2013 it is about them \u2013 listening to their story about their trip to Paris and asking them to please tell you more!<\/p>\n

Imagine this conversation:<\/strong><\/p>\n

You:\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0What have you been up to?<\/p>\n

Friend:\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0We just got back from Paris, France!<\/p>\n

You:\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0Wow!\u00a0 Tell me about your trip?<\/p>\n

Friend:<\/strong>\u00a0 It was just my wife\/husband and me.\u00a0 We stayed in a wonderful hotel near the Eiffel Tower.\u00a0 Of course, we went all over the city!\u00a0 We went to the Louvre Museum and to Notre Dame Cathedral and the Arc de Triomphe and we walked and shopped on Champs-\u00c9lys\u00e9es Avenue.\u00a0 We also took a day trip to Normandy!<\/p>\n

You:\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0Wow!\u00a0 Sounds like you did it all!\u00a0 Please tell me about your trip to Normandy.<\/p>\n

Friend:<\/strong>\u00a0 My Dad actually was a part of the D-Day invasion of Normandy.\u00a0 \u00a0He landed on Omaha Beach \u2013 we went and walked the entire length of Omaha Beach \u2013 which is about 4 miles long.\u00a0 And of course, we went to the cemetery.\u00a0 It was really quite an emotional experience.<\/p>\n

You:<\/strong>\u00a0 Emotional?<\/p>\n

Friend:<\/strong>\u00a0 Yes \u2013 my dad shared that when the war was over it was several weeks before a ship was available to take him and his outfit back to the U.S.\u00a0 During that time, he went to Normandy. The cemetery was already established, and he went and found the graves of his army buddies who had perished when they landed.\u00a0 He also went and found the graves of boys from his hometown and took pictures of their graves so that he could then give those pictures to their parents \u2013 knowing they would likely never be able to travel to Normandy. My dad always shared that it seemed so unfair \u2013 he was going home, and these boys were never going home!\u00a0 My dad made a commitment that day to live a life worthy of their sacrifice!\u00a0 Just thinking that my dad had also walked this cemetery and remembering him sharing his experience there brought tears to my eyes!<\/p>\n

You:<\/strong>\u00a0 Wow!\u00a0 Thank You for sharing that with me!<\/p>\n

[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.15″ background_color=”#f7f7f4″ custom_padding=”0px||0px|” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row column_structure=”2_3,1_3″ use_custom_gutter=”on” gutter_width=”1″ make_equal=”on” column_padding_mobile=”on” module_class=” et_pb_row_fullwidth” _builder_version=”4.15″ background_enable_image=”off” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” width=”100%” width_tablet=”100%” width_phone=”” width_last_edited=”on|desktop” max_width=”100%” max_width_tablet=”100%” max_width_phone=”” max_width_last_edited=”on|desktop” custom_padding=”0px||0px|” make_fullwidth=”on” custom_width_px=”680px” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”2_3″ _builder_version=”4.15″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/2-10.jpeg” title_text=”Woman,Holds,Her,Hand,Near,Ear,And,Listens,Carefully,Alphabet” show_bottom_space=”off” align_tablet=”center” align_phone=”” align_last_edited=”on|desktop” _builder_version=”4.15.1″ animation=”off” sticky=”on” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_3″ _builder_version=”4.15″ background_color=”#efefe9″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/3-9.jpeg” title_text=”Large,Group,Of,People,Seen,From,Above,Gathered,Together,As” show_bottom_space=”off” align_tablet=”center” align_phone=”” align_last_edited=”on|desktop” _builder_version=”4.15.1″ animation=”off” sticky=”on” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text disabled_on=”off|off|” _builder_version=”4.15.1″ text_font=”PT Serif||||” text_text_color=”#818178″ text_font_size=”24″ text_line_height=”1.4em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” text_orientation=”center” module_alignment=”center” custom_margin=”20%|10%||10%” custom_margin_tablet=”|10%||10%” custom_margin_phone=”” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|desktop” text_font_size_tablet=”” text_font_size_phone=”” text_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n

There is almost always something in every answer that you can ask about with your next question.<\/p>\n

[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.15″ text_font=”PT Sans|on|||” text_text_color=”#888888″ text_font_size=”12″ text_letter_spacing=”2px” text_line_height=”1.2em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” text_orientation=”center” module_alignment=”center” custom_margin=”20px||20%|” custom_margin_tablet=”20px|||” custom_margin_phone=”” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|tablet” global_colors_info=”{}”] BOB TIEDE [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.15″ custom_padding=”0px||0px|” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row use_custom_gutter=”on” gutter_width=”4″ column_padding_mobile=”on” custom_padding_last_edited=”on|tablet” admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”4.15″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” max_width=”1200px” custom_padding=”0px||0px|” custom_padding_tablet=”0px|||” custom_padding_phone=”” use_custom_width=”on” custom_width_px=”1200px” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.15″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.15.1″ text_font=”PT Serif||||” text_text_color=”#363636″ text_font_size=”20″ text_line_height=”1.4em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” custom_margin=”60px||0px|” custom_margin_tablet=”40px||0px|” custom_margin_phone=”” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|tablet” text_font_size_tablet=”” text_font_size_phone=”” text_font_size_last_edited=”on|tablet” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n

Of course, your friend provided you with so many possible topics you could ask more about:\u00a0 Their hotel near the Eiffel Tower and\/or their time at the Louvre Museum and\/or at Notre Dame Cathedral and\/or the Arc de Triomphe or shopping on Champs-\u00c9lys\u00e9es Avenue.<\/p>\n

But what would you have missed if you hadn\u2019t asked your friend to tell you more about their day trip to Normandy?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Yes \u2013 You would have missed this incredible story about his\/her Father\u2019s visit to the Normandy Cemetery at the end of World War II.<\/strong><\/p>\n

But perhaps even more importantly you would have missed an opportunity to show genuine interest in your friend!<\/p>\n

Good Listeners don\u2019t\u2019 hijack conversations!<\/strong>\u00a0 Instead, they ask second and third and fourth questions.\u00a0 There is almost always something in every answer that you can ask about with your next question.<\/p>\n

\u201cBeing heard is so close to being loved they are almost indistinguishable.\u201d David Augsburger<\/em><\/p>\n

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