{"id":41397,"date":"2022-07-06T15:23:35","date_gmt":"2022-07-06T22:23:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/?p=41397"},"modified":"2022-07-09T12:17:54","modified_gmt":"2022-07-09T19:17:54","slug":"challenges-of-building-soft-skills","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/gov-talk\/about-gov\/education\/challenges-of-building-soft-skills\/","title":{"rendered":"Challenges of Building Soft Skills"},"content":{"rendered":"

[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ custom_padding_last_edited=”on|desktop” admin_label=”section” _builder_version=”4.17.3″ background_image=”https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/1-1.jpeg” custom_padding_tablet=”50px|0|50px|0″ custom_padding_phone=”” padding_mobile=”off” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_3,2_3″ admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”1_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”2_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_divider show_divider=”off” disabled_on=”on|on|off” _builder_version=”4.16″ height=”200px” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.17.3″ text_font=”PT Sans||||” text_text_color=”#ffffff” text_font_size=”72″ text_line_height=”1.1em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” max_width=”620px” custom_margin=”0px||0px|” hover_enabled=”0″ text_font_size_tablet=”52″ text_font_size_phone=”” text_font_size_last_edited=”on|tablet” global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n

Challenges of Building Soft Skills<\/strong><\/p>\n

[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ custom_padding_last_edited=”on|desktop” _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”25.3125px|0px|0|0px|false|false” custom_padding_tablet=”50px|0|50px|0″ custom_padding_phone=”” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_3,2_3″ column_padding_mobile=”on” custom_padding_last_edited=”on|tablet” admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” max_width=”1200px” custom_padding=”20px||0px|” custom_padding_tablet=”0px|||” custom_padding_phone=”” use_custom_width=”on” custom_width_px=”1200px” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”1_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/09\/JodyMichael-HiRes.jpg” show_bottom_space=”off” align=”center” align_tablet=”center” align_phone=”” align_last_edited=”on|desktop” disabled_on=”on|on|” _builder_version=”4.16″ animation=”off” sticky=”on” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text disabled_on=”on|on|” _builder_version=”4.16″ text_font=”PT Sans|on|||” text_text_color=”#02b875″ text_font_size=”20″ text_line_height=”1.2em” header_text_color=”#000000″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” text_orientation=”center” max_width=”140px” module_alignment=”center” custom_margin=”20px||0px|” global_colors_info=”{}”]JODY MICHAEL<\/a><\/span>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text disabled_on=”on|on|” _builder_version=”4.17.3″ text_font=”PT Serif||on||” text_text_color=”#363636″ text_font_size=”16″ text_line_height=”1.4em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” text_orientation=”center” max_width=”140px” module_alignment=”center” custom_margin=”10px||60px|” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n

Jody Michael is CEO and founder of Jody Michael Associates, a premier coaching company specializing in leadership development, executive coaching and career coaching. She is author of\u00a0Leading Lightly: Lower your Stress, Think with Clarity and Lead with Ease<\/a>.\u00a0Jody is recognized as one of the top 4% of coaches worldwide and is an internationally credentialed Master Certified Coach, Board Certified Coach, University of Chicago trained psychotherapist, and Licensed Clinical Social Worker.<\/p>\n

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Everyone has likely heard of emotional intelligence. You may have even read a book or two on the subject trying to figure out how to increase yours, but most people are challenged simply by understanding what it is.<\/p>\n

Emotional intelligence is a concept largely attributed to psychologist Daniel Goleman, who differentiated intellectual intelligence from emotional intelligence in the mid-1990s, defining the latter as the ability to identify, assess and manage emotions in one\u2019s self and in others. People with high emotional intelligence have a good handle on their emotions and can self-regulate, which helps make them good leaders.<\/p>\n

Emotional intelligence is the most important soft skill<\/a>, and it makes you stand out in a crowd. As opposed to hard skills which are the technical skills you need to perform your job, soft skills are non-technical skills that relate to how<\/em> you work. They are important for just about every job, but are especially critical in management or leadership positions.<\/p>\n

Think about your communication skills, listening skills, time management, teamwork, problem solving and empathy as soft skills. All of these are skills you need to be successful in your role, no matter what your position is.<\/p>\n

Emotional Intelligence Starts with Self-Awareness<\/h4>\n

The soft skill of emotional intelligence is first built on self-awareness. One of the challenges to becoming emotionally intelligent is the fact that we think we are self-aware, but we actually aren\u2019t. A\u00a0study reported in the Harvard Business Review<\/a>\u00a0examined what self-awareness really is, why we need it and how we can increase it. After surveying nearly 5,000 participants, researchers found that only 10%-15% of people actually fit the criteria of being self-aware.\u00a0However, 95% believe they are self-aware.<\/p>\n

That staggering statistic is proof that you can\u2019t change what you don\u2019t see. If you are unaware, you are blind and unwittingly self-sabotaging your performance. This is hindering your results, and the worst part is that most people don\u2019t even know that they are doing it.<\/p>\n

Most leaders spend their time focused on metrics, building their subject matter expertise, managing relationships and leading others – they are focused on external factors. But in the 40,000+ individual coaching sessions that I\u2019ve done over the last 20+ years, I can confidently tell you that the biggest return on leadership performance will come from a shift to an internal focus.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s what my new book Leading Lightly<\/em><\/a> (being released later this month) coaches you to do. I wrote it to help you uncover your hidden blind spots and identify your self-limiting perspectives. It\u2019s only once you start to hone in on yourself that you have the power to change and optimize your performance.<\/p>\n

Empathy as a Soft Skill<\/h4>\n

It\u2019s not only adults who are emotionally intelligent, kids can be proficient at a very young age. Generally speaking, these children had a powerful empathy lesson early on in life that really resonated with them, or they were raised in a difficult childhood where they had to be hypervigilant just so they could manage and thrive in a dysfunctional environment. For me, it\u2019s both cases.<\/p>\n

I had a difficult childhood with a mother who suffered from mental illness and an alcoholic father. But it was a lesson in empathy my mother taught me when I was five years old that stays with me today.<\/p>\n

I had always wanted a kitten and when a neighbor\u2019s cat had kittens, I was finally allowed to have one. I picked out my favorite and couldn\u2019t have been more excited! I took it home and played with it all day. When dinnertime rolled around, I struggled with what to do with the kitten since I didn\u2019t want her to run and hide in places I wouldn\u2019t be able to find her. We had a huge safe in my house, so I contemplated putting her in there, but I was worried she would be afraid in the dark. So, I climbed up high and put her on a shelf from which I knew she would be too scared to jump down. I figured it was just for dinner so I could easily get her down when I was done eating.<\/p>\n

But during dinner, my mother hears the cat crying, gets up from the table and sees the kitten on the shelf. She pulls me into the room and asks \u201cWhat were you thinking?\u201d I explained very logically that I wanted to make sure I could find the kitten easily after dinner.<\/p>\n

My mother pointed out that the poor kitten was terrified, and all of a sudden, I got it. I understood the experience the kitten was having, not just my own experience worrying about finding it. I was horrified as at that moment, I had a deep understanding of the cruelty that I just imparted on the cat without realizing it.<\/p>\n

My mother forced me to return the kitten to the neighbor and amid sobs, I told her I was too young to care for it. One year later, I was able to get another kitten and every day, I considered the experiences that cat was having. That is my first memory of empathy, and that memory has never been lost on me.<\/p>\n

[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.17.3″ background_color=”#f7f7f4″ background_image=”https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/2-1.jpeg” custom_padding=”0px||0px|” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row column_structure=”2_3,1_3″ use_custom_gutter=”on” gutter_width=”1″ make_equal=”on” column_padding_mobile=”on” module_class=” et_pb_row_fullwidth” _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” width=”100%” width_tablet=”100%” width_phone=”” width_last_edited=”on|desktop” max_width=”100%” max_width_tablet=”100%” max_width_phone=”” max_width_last_edited=”on|desktop” custom_padding=”0px||0px|” make_fullwidth=”on” custom_width_px=”680px” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”2_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ background_color=”#efefe9″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/3-1.jpeg” title_text=”Background,Concept,Wordcloud,Illustration,Of,Soft,Skills,Glowing,Light” show_bottom_space=”off” align_tablet=”center” align_phone=”” align_last_edited=”on|desktop” _builder_version=”4.17.3″ animation=”off” sticky=”on” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text disabled_on=”off|off|” _builder_version=”4.17.3″ text_font=”PT Serif||||” text_text_color=”#818178″ text_font_size=”24″ text_line_height=”1.4em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” text_orientation=”center” module_alignment=”center” custom_margin=”20%|10%||10%” custom_margin_tablet=”|10%||10%” custom_margin_phone=”” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|desktop” text_font_size_tablet=”” text_font_size_phone=”” text_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n

Emotional intelligence is the most important soft skill<\/a>, and it makes you stand out in a crowd.<\/p>\n

[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.16″ text_font=”PT Sans|on|||” text_text_color=”#888888″ text_font_size=”12″ text_letter_spacing=”2px” text_line_height=”1.2em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” text_orientation=”center” module_alignment=”center” custom_margin=”20px||20%|” custom_margin_tablet=”20px|||” custom_margin_phone=”” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|tablet” global_colors_info=”{}”]JODY MICHAEL[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”0px||0px|” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row use_custom_gutter=”on” gutter_width=”4″ column_padding_mobile=”on” custom_padding_last_edited=”on|tablet” admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” max_width=”1200px” custom_padding=”20px||0px|” custom_padding_tablet=”0px|||” custom_padding_phone=”” use_custom_width=”on” custom_width_px=”1200px” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.17.3″ text_font=”PT Serif||||” text_text_color=”#363636″ text_font_size=”20″ text_line_height=”1.4em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” custom_margin=”60px||0px|” custom_margin_tablet=”40px||0px|” custom_margin_phone=”” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|tablet” text_font_size_tablet=”” text_font_size_phone=”” text_font_size_last_edited=”on|tablet” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n

The Five Muscles of Mental Fitness<\/h4>\n

When we are able to lead lightly, we practice mental fitness, emotional intelligence, mindfulness and self-awareness in every action, every day. That may sound daunting, but in my book, I give you a framework to follow by pumping up the five muscles of mental fitness. Just as an athlete works out in the gym to be able to optimally perform on game day, we should be working out the muscles of our mind for peak production.<\/p>\n

Mental fitness is your measurable ability to engage constructively in life and work every day, no matter what stressors you encounter. It is your capacity to consistently respond to challenges with optimal performance in the moment and minimal recovery time afterward. There are five muscles involved:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. The most important muscle is building self-awareness. Self-assessing your internal state means that at any given moment you can observe yourself and articulate what you find. And we now know that once you are aware, you are no longer blind and can begin to make changes.<\/li>\n
  2. The next muscle is mindfulness, which begins with breathing. I know, it seems so simple, but research shows<\/a> the quickest way to get out of a triggered emotional state (such as anxiety, anger, sadness, envy, etc.) is to do deep diaphragmatic breathing<\/a>. You can get out of that state in a little as six seconds by using your breath to calm emotions.<\/li>\n
  3. Your beliefs are a muscle, and the ability to choose helpful beliefs over impeding beliefs is part of being mentally fit. Beliefs are a core part of our perceptual lens and are powerful in shaping our everyday experiences, but they may not always be facts.<\/li>\n
  4. The muscle that allows us to see multiple, disparate perspectives and viewpoints also allows us to understand and consider perspectives that are not in alignment with yours. With mental fitness, we replace either\/or thinking with both\/and. We acknowledge that two seemingly contradictory things can both be true at the same time. We develop the skill of suspending judgment and embracing the complexity of gray over black and white thinking.<\/li>\n
  5. The last muscle is of personal accountability. Most people define accountability as doing what you say you will do and when you say you will do it. But my definition goes radically farther \u2013 it\u2019s about being accountable for your thoughts, moods, behaviors and results, both positive but especially the negative.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Changing your Brain<\/h4>\n

    When you are developing mental fitness (i.e. soft skills), you are actually changing your brain\u2019s physiology. You are intentionally disrupting neuropathways that run well-worn patterns of thoughts and moods. Instead, you intentionally create new neuropathways by trying on or adopting different lenses or perspectives. What eventually happens is that you solidify these new neuropathways to become your brain\u2019s new norm through repetition over time.<\/p>\n

    One of the ways you know you are making changes within your brain is becoming conscious of some of the hidden habits of your mind that you weren\u2019t previously aware of. The ability to catch your own thoughts in the exact moment they are occurring is absolutely one of the most critical mental fitness skills.<\/p>\n

    But how do you get there?<\/p>\n