Why drama-based accountability fails.<\/a><\/p>\nCompassionate Accountability is the essence of great leadership<\/h4>\n
Compassion and accountability aren\u2019t mutually exclusive. In fact, compassion is all about \u201cstruggling with\u201d people instead of the extremes of \u201cI\u2019ll struggle instead of you,\u201d or \u201cYou are on your own to struggle alone.\u201d Leadership is about recognizing how to share the struggle in ways that build value, capability and responsibility. This is the essence of compassionate accountability\u00a0and why it is so effective when learning how to deal with complaining employees.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\nThree Roles of a Leader:\u00a0How to\u00a0Deal with Complaining Employees<\/h4>\n
Compassionate leaders do three things really well. When they stray from these, they compromise compassionate accountability and create more work for themselves.\u00a0Learning how to deal with complaining employees can help leaders stay the course.<\/p>\n
Create a safe place to talk about what matters:<\/u>\u00a0Employees need a safe place to share their concerns, fears, and joys. They need to know that they will be taken seriously and won\u2019t be judged. The best way to do this is to listen, ask questions, and show them you care. You can validate their feelings without condoning behavior or getting involved as a drama ally. Don\u2019t be afraid to show your own vulnerability because this shows you are willing to get real as well.\u00a0\u00a0When dealing with employees that complain, those\u00a0who feel heard will have more courage to take ownership over their problems.<\/p>\n
Be a sounding board, not a solution board<\/u>:\u00a0When dealing with complaining employees,\u00a0ask curious questions about how the employee sees the situation, what they have tried already, and what ideas they have for a solution. Learn about their strengths, so you can emphasize these as a resource for problem-solving. Advice should be limited, and only given with permission. The whole point is to engage the employee in the solution. This helps them have ownership. As noted Servant Leadership expert Ken Blanchard says,\u00a0\u201c<\/em>Those who plan the battle rarely battle the plan.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nKeep focus on what matters most:<\/u>\u00a0Dealing with employees that complain\u00a0can distract people from the most important things. Leaders help keep the focus on what matters most, like team goals, company mission, or job priorities. Don\u2019t let employee complaints derail you into spending energy in non-productive ways. Remind the employee what\u2019s really at stake and why we are here in the first place. Employees who see that their behavior is part of something much bigger than themselves are more likely to be part of the solution.<\/p>\n
NEVER tell an employee to stop complaining because they are lucky to have a job. This broadcasts that you don\u2019t really care about their development or satisfaction in their job, nor that you have any role to play in their success.<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.16″ background_color=”#f7f7f4″ custom_padding=”0||0px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row column_structure=”2_3,1_3″ use_custom_gutter=”on” gutter_width=”1″ make_equal=”on” column_padding_mobile=”on” module_class=” et_pb_row_fullwidth” _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” width=”100%” width_tablet=”100%” width_phone=”” width_last_edited=”on|desktop” max_width=”100%” max_width_tablet=”100%” max_width_phone=”” max_width_last_edited=”on|desktop” custom_padding=”0px||0px|” make_fullwidth=”on” custom_width_px=”680px” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”2_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/2.jpeg” alt=”leadership” title_text=”African,Woman,Sitting,Near,Computer,Cover,Face,With,Hands,,Cyberbullying” show_bottom_space=”off” force_fullwidth=”on” align_tablet=”center” align_phone=”” align_last_edited=”on|desktop” _builder_version=”4.17.3″ custom_margin=”1px|||||” animation_direction=”off” animation=”off” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ background_color=”#efefe9″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/3.jpeg” alt=”women’s leadership” title_text=”Portrait,Of,Angry,Pensive,Mad,Crazy,Asian,Woman,Screaming,Out,” show_bottom_space=”off” force_fullwidth=”on” align_tablet=”center” align_phone=”” align_last_edited=”on|desktop” _builder_version=”4.17.3″ custom_margin=”1px|||||” animation_direction=”off” animation=”off” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text disabled_on=”off|off|” _builder_version=”4.17.3″ text_font=”PT Serif||||” text_text_color=”#818178″ text_font_size=”24″ text_line_height=”1.4em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” text_orientation=”center” module_alignment=”center” custom_margin=”16.3%|10%||10%||” custom_margin_tablet=”|10%||10%” custom_margin_phone=”” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|desktop” text_font_size_tablet=”” text_font_size_phone=”” text_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n
The best way to deal with complaining employees is through your own conversations as a leader.<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.17.3″ text_font=”PT Sans|on|||” text_text_color=”#888888″ text_font_size=”12″ text_letter_spacing=”2px” text_line_height=”1.2em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” text_orientation=”center” module_alignment=”center” custom_margin=”20px||20%|” custom_margin_tablet=”20px|||” custom_margin_phone=”20px||3.7%|||” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|tablet” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n
NATE REGIER<\/strong><\/p>\n[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”0||25px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row use_custom_gutter=”on” gutter_width=”4″ column_padding_mobile=”on” custom_padding_last_edited=”on|tablet” admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” max_width=”1200px” custom_margin=”|auto||auto|false|false” custom_padding=”0||0px||false|false” custom_padding_tablet=”0px||10px||false|false” custom_padding_phone=”” use_custom_width=”on” custom_width_px=”1200px” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.17.3″ text_font=”PT Serif||||” text_text_color=”#363636″ text_font_size=”20″ text_line_height=”1.4em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” custom_margin=”37px||2px|||” custom_margin_tablet=”40px||0px|” custom_margin_phone=”” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|tablet” custom_padding=”0px||0px|||” text_font_size_tablet=”” text_font_size_phone=”” text_font_size_last_edited=”on|tablet” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n
How to Have the Difficult Conversation<\/h4>\n
Scenario 1:<\/u><\/p>\n
Employee:\u00a0\u201c<\/em>I can<\/em>\u2019<\/em>t believe Sally gets to leave early. That<\/em>\u2019<\/em>s not fair.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nLeader:\u00a0\u201c<\/em>I can imagine it<\/em>\u2019<\/em>s tough to see that when you are working so hard. What ideas do you have for how to handle this? Ultimately, it<\/em>\u2019<\/em>s important that you talk to each other because that<\/em>\u2019<\/em>s how we build trust and accountability.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nScenario 2:<\/u><\/p>\n
Employee:\u00a0\u201c<\/em>I can<\/em>\u2019<\/em>t keep up with the documentation. Will you tell Juan to help me out and stop messing around all the time?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nLeader:\u00a0\u201c<\/em>I remember struggling to learn the new system when I started. I<\/em>\u2019<\/em>m happy to share some tips to speed things up if you want. The documentation is your responsibility.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nScenario 3:<\/u><\/p>\n
Employee:\u00a0\u201c<\/em>I<\/em>\u2019<\/em>ve been talking to several others in our department, and we all feel that Bart isn<\/em>\u2019<\/em>t carrying his weight. Will you say something to him?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nLeader:\u00a0\u201cI feel uncomfortable with conversations that don<\/em>\u2019<\/em>t include the person. This is an important issue to address, and as Bart<\/em>\u2019<\/em>s teammate, this is a conversation you need to have with him directly. I<\/em>\u2019<\/em>m happy to support you, but I won<\/em>\u2019<\/em>t do it for you. It<\/em>\u2019<\/em>s important that our team supports each other and holds each other accountable with direct conversations.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\nIn each scenario, the leader stayed focused on just three things; create a safe place, be a sounding board, and focus on what matters most. As a result, the three most important aspects of compassionate accountability were maintained; we are all valuable, capable, and responsible.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Try this free digital course, Three Switches of\u00a0The Compassion Mindset<\/a><\/p>\nThe best way to deal with complaining employees is through your own conversations as a leader. Having compassionate conversations that still hold employees accountable, validating employee feelings while asking them to be more open about the root of their feelings, and being open about your feelings on the situation are all great tactics for dealing with complaining employees. The vulnerability of communicating with peers so openly, is the hardest part when learning how to deal with complaining employees, but it is also what makes it so effective.<\/p>\n
When\u00a0dealing with complaining employees remember\u00a0that approaching them with compassionate accountability and investing energy in building them up, improves their capacity to solve problems on their own. In the long run, this makes the leader\u2019s job more satisfying, helps the employee feel better about themselves, and contributes to the company\u2019s success.<\/p>\n
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Coming down hard on employees or expecting them to fend for themselves when they complain is equally damaging. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3573,"featured_media":42904,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_cbd_carousel_blocks":"[]","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[8],"class_list":["post-43040","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-education","tag-leadership"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n
How to Stop Employee Drama With Compassionate Accountability - Careers in Government<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Coming down hard on employees or expecting them to fend for themselves when they complain is equally damaging.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Stop Employee Drama With Compassionate Accountability - Careers in Government\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Coming down hard on employees or expecting them to fend for themselves when they complain is equally damaging.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/gov-talk\/about-gov\/education\/how-to-stop-employee-drama-with-compassionate-accountability-2\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Careers in Government\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/CareersInGovernment\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/NextElement\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2022-11-12T19:03:26+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2025-08-25T20:06:59+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/1.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1000\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"671\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Nate Regier\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/leadership-qualities.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@nextnate\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@careersingov\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Nate Regier\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"7 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.careersingovernment.com\\\/tools\\\/gov-talk\\\/about-gov\\\/education\\\/how-to-stop-employee-drama-with-compassionate-accountability-2\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.careersingovernment.com\\\/tools\\\/gov-talk\\\/about-gov\\\/education\\\/how-to-stop-employee-drama-with-compassionate-accountability-2\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Nate Regier\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.careersingovernment.com\\\/tools\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/b3239afebcdb72d4d4bdb680fe6fe773\"},\"headline\":\"How to Stop Employee Drama With Compassionate Accountability\",\"datePublished\":\"2022-11-12T19:03:26+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2025-08-25T20:06:59+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.careersingovernment.com\\\/tools\\\/gov-talk\\\/about-gov\\\/education\\\/how-to-stop-employee-drama-with-compassionate-accountability-2\\\/\"},\"wordCount\":3664,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.careersingovernment.com\\\/tools\\\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.careersingovernment.com\\\/tools\\\/gov-talk\\\/about-gov\\\/education\\\/how-to-stop-employee-drama-with-compassionate-accountability-2\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.careersingovernment.com\\\/tools\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2022\\\/11\\\/1.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"leadership\"],\"articleSection\":[\"education\\\/training\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.careersingovernment.com\\\/tools\\\/gov-talk\\\/about-gov\\\/education\\\/how-to-stop-employee-drama-with-compassionate-accountability-2\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.careersingovernment.com\\\/tools\\\/gov-talk\\\/about-gov\\\/education\\\/how-to-stop-employee-drama-with-compassionate-accountability-2\\\/\",\"name\":\"How to Stop Employee Drama With Compassionate Accountability - 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