His organization helps clients and their teams improve leadership engagement in order to achieve superior results. He is an expert in the fields of leadership, change, dialogue, critical thinking, conflict resolution, and emotional intelligence, and has worked and spoken to such\u00a0companies as\u00a0Cox Communications,\u00a0Lockheed Martin, Honeywell, and AbbVie.\u00a0Connect with him on Facebook, LinkedIn, or Twitter.\u00a0<\/em>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”2_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.21.0″ text_font=”PT Serif||||” text_text_color=”#363636″ text_font_size=”24″ text_line_height=”1.5em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” max_width=”720px” custom_margin=”0px||0px|” text_font_size_tablet=”” text_font_size_phone=”” text_font_size_last_edited=”on|tablet” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\nPatty, an office manager in a medical office, was tasked with providing feedback to her direct reports that were performing poorly. Amber, the office appointment specialist, who recently started missing deadlines, taking a lot of personal calls, and coming in late for work, was identified as someone with whom Patty needed to speak. Patty reflected on how she would hold this conversation. She really liked Amber, and she knew that when she was hired in the beginning, she would always keep her performance commitments. She was curious about what had changed.<\/p>\n
Patty began by asking Amber a question. \u201cHow are things going for you?\u201d<\/p>\n
Amber responded, \u201cThings are hard right now.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow so?\u201d Patty asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy car broke down and needs some expensive repairs. I barely have enough money for rent. My mom hasn\u2019t been well, and I\u2019ve had to spend a lot of time helping her with doctor\u2019s appointments and arranging medical care for her.\u201d Patty didn\u2019t say a thing and continued to listen.<\/p>\n
Amber continued, \u201cI know that I am not performing well right now. I\u2019ve been trying, but I am just so distracted by my life that my full attention has not been on work.\u201d<\/p>\n
Before Patty could say anything, Amber continued, \u201cThanks for listening to me. I have loved working here. In fact, my experience here has helped me decide that I want to pursue a career in the medical field. Thanks for always being so kind.\u201d<\/p>\n
Patty was surprised that Amber so readily admitted her shortcomings. She also appreciated Amber being open enough to share the events happening in her personal life and how they were affecting her performance. Together they made an improvement plan for Amber to follow.<\/p>\n
Often when we are confronted with holding a difficult conversation, we begin that conversation in an adversarial position rather than being open and letting our curiosity and desire to understand drive the flow of the conversation.<\/p>\n
Many of us are intimidated by the prospect of delivering negative feedback and the anticipated defensive and emotional reaction resulting from that conversation. I have often wondered how frequently our negative assumptions and attitude about the situation end up creating the very results we want to avoid. \u00a0<\/p>\n
Patty\u2019s objective curiosity and authenticity helped her to hold this conversation which led to an effective outcome.<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.16″ background_color=”#f7f7f4″ custom_padding=”0px||0px|” collapsed=”off” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row column_structure=”2_3,1_3″ use_custom_gutter=”on” gutter_width=”1″ make_equal=”on” column_padding_mobile=”on” module_class=” et_pb_row_fullwidth” _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” width=”100%” width_tablet=”100%” width_phone=”” width_last_edited=”on|desktop” max_width=”100%” max_width_tablet=”100%” max_width_phone=”” max_width_last_edited=”on|desktop” custom_padding=”0px||95px|||” make_fullwidth=”on” custom_width_px=”680px” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”2_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/2-2.jpeg” title_text=”Two,Serious,Diverse,Colleagues,Talking,Walking,In,Modern,Office,Hallway,” show_bottom_space=”off” force_fullwidth=”on” align_tablet=”center” align_phone=”” align_last_edited=”on|desktop” _builder_version=”4.21.0″ custom_margin=”-40px|||||” animation=”off” sticky=”on” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ background_color=”#efefe9″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/3-2.jpeg” title_text=”Black,African,Company,Member,Presenting,Sharing,His,Thoughts,Creative,Ideas” show_bottom_space=”off” align_tablet=”center” align_phone=”” align_last_edited=”on|desktop” _builder_version=”4.21.0″ custom_margin=”-39px|||||” custom_padding=”0px|||||” animation=”off” sticky=”on” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text disabled_on=”off|off|” _builder_version=”4.21.0″ text_font=”PT Serif||||” text_text_color=”#818178″ text_font_size=”24″ text_line_height=”1.4em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” text_orientation=”center” module_alignment=”center” min_height=”110px” custom_margin=”9.5%|10%||10%||” custom_margin_tablet=”|10%||10%” custom_margin_phone=”” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|desktop” custom_padding=”1px|||||” text_font_size_tablet=”” text_font_size_phone=”” text_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n
Authenticity in conversation is not an easy attribute to develop.<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.16″ text_font=”PT Sans|on|||” text_text_color=”#888888″ text_font_size=”12″ text_letter_spacing=”2px” text_line_height=”1.2em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” text_orientation=”center” module_alignment=”center” custom_margin=”20px||20%|” custom_margin_tablet=”20px|||” custom_margin_phone=”” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|tablet” custom_padding=”||1px|||” global_colors_info=”{}”]JOHN STOKER[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”0||0px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row use_custom_gutter=”on” gutter_width=”4″ column_padding_mobile=”on” custom_padding_last_edited=”on|tablet” admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” max_width=”1200px” custom_margin=”-4px|auto||auto||” custom_padding=”0||0px||false|false” custom_padding_tablet=”0px|||” custom_padding_phone=”” use_custom_width=”on” custom_width_px=”1200px” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.21.0″ text_font=”PT Serif||||” text_text_color=”#363636″ text_font_size=”20″ text_line_height=”1.4em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” min_height=”1235px” custom_margin=”-74px||0px|||” custom_margin_tablet=”40px||0px|” custom_margin_phone=”-44px||0px|||” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|tablet” custom_padding=”107px||0px|||” text_font_size_tablet=”” text_font_size_phone=”” text_font_size_last_edited=”on|tablet” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n
Here are six key character traits to consider developing to strengthen your personal authenticity.<\/p>\n
Absolute honesty<\/strong><\/p>\nThis doesn\u2019t mean that you will reveal things to others that the law forbids you from sharing with others. But it does mean that you tell the truth when asked for it. You will not shy away from giving your honest assessment when asked for it along with examples that will help people understand the impact or consequences of their behavior.<\/p>\n
Unwavering responsibility<\/strong><\/p>\nIt is so easy for us to shift the blame for our negative results or the situation that we find ourselves in. If you have unwanted outcomes or your expectations are unmet, look at yourself and assess how your own actions, directions, and communications created the results that you received. Whatever the outcome, you are responsible, at least in part, for the end result.<\/p>\n
Sincere humility<\/strong><\/p>\nI have often had people ask me, \u201cHow does one develop humility?\u201d Be willing to admit that you may not know everything, that you may not be right, that someone has had an experience or perspective that you may not have. I remember someone telling me at the beginning of my career, \u201cYou\u2019re not all that!\u201d Simply put, there is an opportunity for everyone to know more, do more, and be more. Recognizing one\u2019s shortcomings is a great place to begin to increase our personal humility.<\/p>\n
Vulnerable openness<\/strong><\/p>\nIt takes courage to share what we are really thinking and feeling with others. Our ability to trust others will enable us to be vulnerable with them. Trust takes time to develop and requires a deliberate attempt to come to know and understand others. We can do this by asking questions, sincerely listening to each other, and sharing with one another.<\/p>\n
Heartfelt gratitude<\/strong><\/p>\nWe often become so busy that we don\u2019t take the time to notice and appreciate all the good things in our lives. Even when times are challenging, those challenges can lead us to develop and grow in ways that wouldn\u2019t be possible otherwise. One of the easiest ways to connect with other people is to recognize the value that they offer and to express our heartfelt gratitude to them. Your gratitude will permeate your interactions with others as well as enhance your authenticity with those around you.<\/p>\n
Focused attention<\/strong><\/p>\nIt is easy for us to become distracted by the many things that demand our attention and preoccupy our thinking. Learning to quiet the voices in our minds, minimize distractions, and to be fully present with others helps to create an authentic presence with one another. That presence will greatly contribute to a positive outcome.<\/p>\n
Authenticity in conversation is not an easy attribute to develop. It encompasses your willingness to be honest with yourself and with others and to take ownership of your mistakes. It also means that your values, ideals, and actions align. Taking some time to evaluate your personal levels of honesty, responsibility, humility, openness, gratitude, and attention will help you target areas for improvement. Strengthening these positive traits will increase the authenticity with which you approach and interact with others. \u00a0The greater your authenticity, the more effective your conversations will be. \u00a0<\/p>\n
[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.9.0″ custom_margin=”-17px||20px||false|false” custom_padding=”0px|0px|24.625px|0px||” global_module=”37900″ collapsed=”on” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row column_padding_mobile=”on” _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” max_width=”780px” custom_padding=”0px|0px|73.90625px|0px” use_custom_width=”on” custom_width_px=”780px” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.16″ text_font=”PT Serif||||” text_text_color=”#363636″ text_font_size=”36″ text_line_height=”1.4em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” text_orientation=”center” module_alignment=”center” custom_margin=”||70px|” text_font_size_tablet=”26″ text_font_size_phone=”” text_font_size_last_edited=”on|tablet” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n
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