{"id":50783,"date":"2026-02-23T19:57:15","date_gmt":"2026-02-24T03:57:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/?p=50783"},"modified":"2026-02-23T19:57:20","modified_gmt":"2026-02-24T03:57:20","slug":"is-your-ego-getting-in-the-way-how-to-recognize-it-name-it-and-navigate-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/gov-talk\/about-gov\/education\/is-your-ego-getting-in-the-way-how-to-recognize-it-name-it-and-navigate-it\/","title":{"rendered":"Is Your Ego Getting in the Way? How to Recognize It, Name It, and Navigate It"},"content":{"rendered":"

[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ custom_padding_last_edited=”on|desktop” admin_label=”section” _builder_version=”4.27.5″ background_image=”https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/02\/JohnS-scaled.jpg” custom_margin=”||-111px|||” custom_padding=”25.25px|0px|0px|0px|false|false” custom_padding_tablet=”50px|0|50px|0″ custom_padding_phone=”” hover_enabled=”0″ global_colors_info=”{}” alt=”A white chess pawn stands before a round mirror, its reflection appearing as a white king\u2014symbolizing aspiration, feedback, and self-perception\u2014on a glossy black surface with a dark background.” title_text=”A white chess pawn stands before a round mirror, its reflection appearing as a white king\u2014symbolizing aspiration, feedback, and self-perception\u2014on a glossy black surface with a dark background.” sticky_enabled=”0″][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_3,2_3″ admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” min_height=”597.5px” custom_margin=”95px|auto|196px|auto||” custom_padding=”||116px|||” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”1_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”2_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.5″ text_font=”PT Sans||||” text_text_color=”#ffffff” text_font_size=”72″ text_line_height=”1.1em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” max_width=”620px” custom_margin=”0px||0px|” hover_enabled=”0″ text_font_size_tablet=”52″ text_font_size_phone=”” text_font_size_last_edited=”on|tablet” global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n

Is Your Ego Getting in the Way? How to Recognize It, Name It, and Navigate It<\/strong><\/p>\n

[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ custom_padding_last_edited=”on|desktop” _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_margin=”60px|||||” custom_padding=”11px|0px|0|0px|false|false” custom_padding_tablet=”50px|0|50px|0″ custom_padding_phone=”” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row column_structure=”1_3,2_3″ column_padding_mobile=”on” custom_padding_last_edited=”on|tablet” admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” max_width=”1200px” custom_margin=”|auto|56px|auto||” custom_padding=”20px||0px|” custom_padding_tablet=”0px|||” custom_padding_phone=”” use_custom_width=”on” custom_width_px=”1200px” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”1_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/01\/Black-background-blue-shirt-B16A5480-scaled.jpg” title_text=”Black background blue shirt B16A5480″ show_bottom_space=”off” align=”center” align_tablet=”center” align_phone=”” align_last_edited=”on|desktop” disabled_on=”on|on|” _builder_version=”4.21.0″ animation=”off” sticky=”on” global_colors_info=”{}”][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text disabled_on=”on|on|” _builder_version=”4.16″ text_font=”PT Sans|on|||” text_text_color=”#02b875″ text_font_size=”20″ text_line_height=”1.2em” header_text_color=”#000000″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” text_orientation=”center” max_width=”140px” module_alignment=”center” custom_margin=”20px||0px|” global_colors_info=”{}”]JOHN STOKER<\/a><\/span>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text disabled_on=”on|on|” _builder_version=”4.16″ text_font=”PT Serif||on||” text_text_color=”#363636″ text_font_size=”16″ text_line_height=”1.4em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” text_orientation=”center” max_width=”140px” module_alignment=”center” custom_margin=”10px||60px|” global_colors_info=”{}”]John\u00a0R. Stoker\u00a0is the\u00a0author of\u00a0 “<\/em>Overcoming Fake Talk”<\/em>\u00a0and the president of Dialogue WORKS, Inc.\u00a0\u00a0<\/em>His organization helps clients and their teams improve leadership engagement in order to achieve superior results. He is an expert in the fields of leadership, change, dialogue, critical thinking, conflict resolution, and emotional intelligence, and has worked and spoken to such\u00a0companies as\u00a0Cox Communications,\u00a0Lockheed Martin, Honeywell, and AbbVie.\u00a0Connect with him on Facebook, LinkedIn, or Twitter.\u00a0<\/em>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”2_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.5″ text_font=”PT Serif||||” text_text_color=”#363636″ text_font_size=”24″ text_line_height=”1.5em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” max_width=”720px” custom_margin=”0px||0px|” hover_enabled=”0″ text_font_size_tablet=”” text_font_size_phone=”” text_font_size_last_edited=”on|tablet” global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n

Years ago, I was guiding a private trip in Grand Canyon. I was a guide on a paddle boat where people straddle the outside tubes of the raft, armed with paddles. On this day, I learned a truth that applies far beyond the river.<\/p>\n

As we entered a rapid, the surface appeared calm. But beneath the surface was a powerful current that was moving faster than I realized. The moment we hit the first wave, the paddlers on the right side of the boat panicked, stopped paddling, and leaned back. This caused the paddlers on the left side of the boat to turn the boat sideways in the middle of the rapid. The instinctive reaction of the paddlers on the right flipped the boat.<\/p>\n

Not because of the rapid\u2014but because of their fear of the first wave.<\/p>\n

Most of the time, the obstacle isn\u2019t the rapid. It\u2019s people\u2019s reaction.<\/p>\n

Leadership conversations work the same way. We think we\u2019re struggling with the issue in front of us, but the real challenge is the hidden undercurrent inside us\u2014our ego\u2014pulling us toward defensiveness, certainty, blame, withdrawal, or an emotional outburst.<\/p>\n

The rapid isn\u2019t the problem. Our instinctive reaction to protect ourselves is.<\/p>\n

And unless we learn to recognize the undercurrent, it will flip our conversations long before we reach the outcome we want.<\/p>\n

What is Ego?<\/h4>\n

Ego is not arrogance\u2014it\u2019s self-protection. More precisely: Ego is your internal identity-protection system. It activates whenever you feel your competence, credibility, or worth is being questioned or you think it is being questioned. Often our assessment of what is being questioned by the behavior of others is purely our interpretation of the situation at hand.<\/p>\n

More simply, our ego often shows up when we feel as if something we value has been violated, and our reaction in the moment is always accompanied by negative emotion.<\/p>\n

Ego shows up in the stories we tell ourselves:<\/p>\n

    \n
  • \u201cI\u2019m right.\u201d<\/li>\n
  • \u201cThey\u2019re wrong.\u201d<\/li>\n
  • \u201cThis isn\u2019t my fault, it\u2019s theirs.\u201d<\/li>\n
  • \u201cI don\u2019t want them to think I don\u2019t know what I\u2019m doing.<\/li>\n
  • \u201cI\u2019m the boss.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    When our ego is active, we focus on protecting our image rather than improving the situation. We stop listening. We stop asking. We stop learning. We stop leading.<\/p>\n

    How Does Ego Show Up?<\/h4>\n

    Ego doesn\u2019t announce itself loudly. It usually appears in subtle behaviors that can derail trust and connection. Here are five symptoms of ego that leaders need to learn to identify:<\/p>\n

    Defensiveness<\/strong><\/p>\n

    One of ego\u2019s first reactions is to shield or protect itself. Defensiveness shows up as interrupting, explaining, justifying, monologuing or prematurely correcting someone. Defensiveness is displayed as a form of protecting one\u2019s sense of self, rather openly communicating to seek clarity.<\/p>\n

    Blame and Finger-Pointing<\/strong><\/p>\n

    When one\u2019s ego feels threatened, responsibility is nonexistent. If you hear yourself blaming the other person and only the other person, then you know you are not viewing the whole picture. Blame may sound like the following:<\/p>\n

      \n
    • \u201cYou didn\u2019t give me the details.\u201d<\/li>\n
    • \u201cIf you had done what you were supposed to, this wouldn\u2019t have happened.\u201d<\/li>\n
    • \u201cThis isn\u2019t on me!\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

      Blame is used to protect your image, but it destroys learning, accountability, and progress.<\/p>\n

      Rigid Certainty<\/strong><\/p>\n

      Ego defends being right. This leads to a person rejecting new information, clinging to one\u2019s interpretation, talking more than listening, and never asking questions. When certainty replaces curiosity and discovery, learning and improving stops.<\/p>\n

      Taking Offense<\/strong><\/p>\n

      Ego hear attack where none was intended. Such a tactic is characterized as over-explaining, assuming negative intent, or feeling insulted or disrespected by simple feedback. Taking offense is usually followed by blaming the other person. You know that offense is taken when everything is personal, and nothing is discussable.<\/p>\n

      Withdrawal or Passive Resistance<\/strong><\/p>\n

      Some egos fight while others take flight. Those flight attempts may take the form of silence, avoidance, surface-level agreement, or a go-along-to-get-along approach. Any of these behaviors may help the person to feel safe, but adopting them prevents learning and reaching resolution.<\/p>\n

      These behaviors are personal cues that your ego may be attempting to paddle your boat.<\/p>\n

      [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.16″ background_color=”#f7f7f4″ custom_padding=”0px||0px|” collapsed=”off” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row column_structure=”2_3,1_3″ use_custom_gutter=”on” gutter_width=”1″ make_equal=”on” column_padding_mobile=”on” module_class=” et_pb_row_fullwidth” _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” width=”100%” width_tablet=”100%” width_phone=”” width_last_edited=”on|desktop” max_width=”100%” max_width_tablet=”100%” max_width_phone=”” max_width_last_edited=”on|desktop” custom_padding=”0px||95px|||” make_fullwidth=”on” custom_width_px=”680px” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”2_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/02\/2-7.49.46-PM-scaled.jpg” alt=”A hand arranges three wooden blocks stacked vertically on a table, each block displaying a letter to spell the word %22ego.%22 The background is blurred, emphasizing the concept of ego as the finger lightly touches the top block.” title_text=”A hand arranges three wooden blocks stacked vertically on a table, each block displaying a letter to spell the word %22ego.%22 The background is blurred, emphasizing the concept of ego as the finger lightly touches the top block.” show_bottom_space=”off” force_fullwidth=”on” align_tablet=”center” align_phone=”” align_last_edited=”on|desktop” _builder_version=”4.27.5″ custom_margin=”-40px|||||” hover_enabled=”0″ animation=”off” sticky=”on” global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_3″ _builder_version=”4.16″ background_color=”#efefe9″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.careersingovernment.com\/tools\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/02\/3-7.49.46-PM-scaled.jpg” alt=”A lit candle stands beside a round mirror. The mirror reflects the candle\u2019s flame, but the reflection appears as an electric light bulb\u2014hinting at how ego can transform a simple reality into something grander. The dark background highlights this illusion.” title_text=”A lit candle stands beside a round mirror. The mirror reflects the candle\u2019s flame, but the reflection appears as an electric light bulb\u2014hinting at how ego can transform a simple reality into something grander. The dark background highlights this illusion.” show_bottom_space=”off” align_tablet=”center” align_phone=”” align_last_edited=”on|desktop” _builder_version=”4.27.5″ custom_margin=”-39px|||||” custom_padding=”0px|||||” hover_enabled=”0″ animation=”off” sticky=”on” global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text disabled_on=”off|off|” _builder_version=”4.27.5″ text_font=”PT Serif||||” text_text_color=”#818178″ text_font_size=”24″ text_line_height=”1.4em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” text_orientation=”center” module_alignment=”center” min_height=”110px” custom_margin=”9.5%|10%||10%||” custom_margin_tablet=”|10%||10%” custom_margin_phone=”” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|desktop” custom_padding=”1px|||||” hover_enabled=”0″ text_font_size_tablet=”” text_font_size_phone=”” text_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n

      our ego often shows up when we feel as if something we value has been violated, and our reaction in the moment is always accompanied by negative emotion.<\/p>\n

      [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.16″ text_font=”PT Sans|on|||” text_text_color=”#888888″ text_font_size=”12″ text_letter_spacing=”2px” text_line_height=”1.2em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” text_orientation=”center” module_alignment=”center” custom_margin=”20px||20%|” custom_margin_tablet=”20px|||” custom_margin_phone=”” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|tablet” custom_padding=”||1px|||” global_colors_info=”{}”]JOHN STOKER[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”0||0px||false|false” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_row use_custom_gutter=”on” gutter_width=”4″ column_padding_mobile=”on” custom_padding_last_edited=”on|tablet” admin_label=”row” _builder_version=”4.16″ background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” max_width=”1200px” custom_margin=”-4px|auto||auto||” custom_padding=”0||0px||false|false” custom_padding_tablet=”0px|||” custom_padding_phone=”” use_custom_width=”on” custom_width_px=”1200px” global_colors_info=”{}”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.27.5″ text_font=”PT Serif||||” text_text_color=”#363636″ text_font_size=”20″ text_line_height=”1.4em” background_size=”initial” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” min_height=”1235px” custom_margin=”-74px||0px|||” custom_margin_tablet=”40px||0px|” custom_margin_phone=”-44px||0px|||” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|tablet” custom_padding=”107px||0px|||” hover_enabled=”0″ text_font_size_tablet=”” text_font_size_phone=”” text_font_size_last_edited=”on|tablet” global_colors_info=”{}” sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n

      What to Do When Ego Shows Up<\/h4>\n

      One of the easiest ways to take control of your ego and the emotional hijacking that occurs when it shows up\u2014ask questions. Even pondering the questions that you might ask yourself will move you out of your amygdala, the protective-reactive part of your brain, and into your cortex\u2014your logical, rationale brain.<\/p>\n

      Here are some questions to help you pause, notice your reactions, and choose a more deliberate, intentional response.<\/p>\n

      Questions for Self-Awareness<\/p>\n

        \n
      • What am I feeling right now, and why?<\/em><\/li>\n
      • What story am I telling myself about this situation?<\/em><\/li>\n
      • What part of the story did I leave out, and why?<\/em><\/li>\n
      • What else could be true?<\/em><\/li>\n
      • Is my current reaction helping me get the result I want?<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

        Questions to Improve Self-Expression<\/p>\n

          \n
        • Am I stating facts or my interpretations?<\/em><\/li>\n
        • How is my tone or word choice impacting them?<\/em><\/li>\n
        • Am I expressing impact or assigning blame?<\/em><\/li>\n
        • What do I need them to understand?<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

          Questions to Strengthen Curiosity<\/p>\n

            \n
          • What don\u2019t I know yet?<\/em><\/li>\n
          • What do I need to know?<\/em><\/li>\n
          • What might they be thinking, feeling, or experiencing?<\/em><\/li>\n
          • How can I ask a question that invites\u2014not interrogates?<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

            Questions to Improve Listening<\/p>\n

              \n
            • Am I listening to understand or to defend?<\/em><\/li>\n
            • What emotion sits underneath their words?<\/em><\/li>\n
            • What would help them feel more heard and valued?<\/em><\/li>\n
            • What am I missing because I\u2019m thinking of my response?<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

              Less Defensiveness\u2014More Humanity<\/h4>\n

              On the river, the rapid isn\u2019t what flips the boat\u2014it\u2019s the paddler\u2019s instinctive reaction.<\/p>\n

              In leadership, the challenge is rarely the challenge\u2014it\u2019s how we respond to it.<\/p>\n

              Ego is not the enemy. It is a built-in survival mechanism that kept us safe long before we ever led a team or ran a meeting. But the same instincts that once protected us can now limit us.<\/p>\n

              The most effective leaders are not the ones with the loudest voices or the sharpest answers. They are the ones who can notice their own reactions, slow down in moments of pressure, and stay open when it is easier to shut down.<\/p>\n

              When we learn to give our need to be right, we make room for something far more powerful: discovery, learning, connection, and trust.<\/p>\n

              And when that happens, conversations become less about winning and more about working\u2014together for results.<\/p>\n

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