Success Can Mean Many Things
We are all going to die. It’s a fact.
But nobody talks about dying.
23 years ago, I had to confront the likelihood that I was going to die.
It was staring me in the face. Literally. I had just been diagnosed with one of the worst cases of head and neck cancer ever seen. A massive tumor was discovered in the middle of my head. It had filled my sinus, wrapped around my eye, and pressed against the top of my spine and brain stem. Only a handful of surgeons in the world could even look at a case like mine. There was really no hope. They told me I had about a month to live. Eventually, we found a great hospital in Liverpool, England, that at least wanted to give me a chance. But even there, they didn’t really expect me to survive. Nobody said it out loud. But the elephant in the room was that I was going to die.
And the room was very small.
I knew my fight would only be as strong as its weakest link.
I had to not be afraid of dying. So one night, on my hospital bed, just before the surgery, I put myself to the test.
You are not going to be here this time next week. Fact.
How do you feel?
What happened from there was remarkable.
The more I tried to confront my imminent death, the more my mind allowed me to see the amazing life I had lived up until then. Rather than mourn the part of my life that would not extend beyond 40, it made me appreciate even more how lucky I was to have had those 40 years in the first place. I had lived a great life.
Great family, great education, great career, great wife, three great boys, and a wonderful community where we lived.
It forced me to see all the people in the world who don’t get close to 40—the 3-year-old with leukemia, the 17-year-old in the car accident, the 25-year-old suicide victim. The young people who leave home every day only to never be seen again. Then it made me notice people who would live twice as long as I would but never experience anything like the life I had.
The child soldier, the oppressed factory worker, the trafficked sex worker, and the many people whose entire lives are blighted by violence, illness, poverty, or fear.
Is success a big house, or a great job, or a fancy yacht, or the best seat at an exclusive dinner party?
All of this made me incredibly strong.
I could handle my death if it was the only road left to travel. But until then, my fight was now indestructible. Because now there was nothing left to be afraid of.
The other question I asked myself was what I would miss most.
There are many posts on social media about success, but what is success?
Is success a big house, a great job, a fancy yacht, or the best seat at an exclusive dinner party? None of those would be much use to me now. Your deathbed puts everything into perspective.
I discovered that the thing I would miss most was people. Family, of course, and great friends, and then just about everyone I had met along the way.
The people in my life are what my life uniquely is—not possessions, awards, money, or achievements.
The people I know are who I really am.
And anyone on their deathbed, rich or poor, strong or weak, would say the same thing.
So why do we chase the big house, the fancy yacht, or the celebrity dinner invite?
Success is how you deal with the people you meet along the way. Success is trying to live the best life you can, within whatever circumstances you are in, that is pleasing to God.
Because God’s only currency is love.
The permanent reward for doing that will be far greater than any passing success we will ever find here.
And now that I found that on my deathbed, I will make sure I never let myself lose it again.
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