I have always been fascinated by how unaware many people seem to be of how they come across or how their behavior impacts others.

I remember reading a story about a bank robber who believed that if he rubbed lemon juice on his face, he would become invisible. After applying the juice, he walked into two banks in broad daylight and robbed them. Unsurprisingly, the events were captured on the banks’ video surveillance. When the footage aired on Crime Stoppers Inc. during the 11 o’clock news, several informants recognized the thief and alerted the police. Upon his arrest, the man was in complete disbelief, exclaiming, “But I wore the juice!”

David Dunning, a Cornell professor of social psychology, was so intrigued by the story that he conducted a study to measure individuals’ self-assessed competence. His research became known as the Dunning-Kruger Effect. The study revealed that our incompetence can mask our ability to recognize that very incompetence.

More recently, Dr. Tasha Eurich conducted a multi-year study of 5,000 leaders. Her findings showed that while 95% of leaders believed they were self-aware, only 10–15% were perceived as self-aware by their team members. This striking gap between perception and reality significantly hinders a leader’s ability to grow and improve.

Here are 12 explanations for these blind spots, along with some suggestions for getting outside of ourselves:

We don’t see ourselves the way we are seen

Simply put, we are unobservable to ourselves. From years of coaching leaders, I’ve noticed that we tend to judge others based on their performance, while judging ourselves based on our intent. This mental shortcut allows us to justify our behavior, assuming that good intentions excuse negative impact. But it also prevents us from objectively examining our actions.

To Do:
Find someone who will give you honest feedback. If you’re lucky enough to identify such a person, take their input to heart—especially regarding your communication style and how you come across. If no one is available, consider hiring a coach who can provide a more objective assessment of your behavior.

We are consumed by our own perspective

When we’re focused on ourselves—our goals, our expectations—we rarely pause to self-reflect. This self-focus creates a blind spot because it limits our view of reality.

To Do:
Recognize that there may be multiple valid perspectives. Ask others how they see the situation instead of assuming your view is the only one that matters.

We may not notice how others are responding to us

If you hold a leadership position, people are unlikely to challenge your opinion unless you’ve created a culture that encourages psychological safety, openness, and respectful disagreement. Without these norms, most people will remain silent to avoid conflict or risk.

To Do:
To better understand your team’s engagement, reflect on questions like:

• “Do people speak up and offer different perspectives?”
• “Or do they remain silent until prompted?”
• “Do team members approach me with ideas and challenges?”
• “Or do I have to initiate every check-in to gauge their needs?”

Just noticing how people engage can tell you whether changes are needed in how you lead.

We don’t recognize the cues others are sending

Roughly 55% of communication is nonverbal. People are constantly signaling their thoughts and feelings, even if they don’t speak them aloud. During discussions, watch for subtle cues:

• Are people leaning into the conversation or away?
• Are they making eye contact, or avoiding it?
• Are their hands open and relaxed, or hidden, clenched, or chopping the air?

These behaviors often signal disagreement or discomfort.

To Do:
Pay attention and ask about what you observe. You might say,

• “I noticed you haven’t responded and have been looking down. What are your thoughts on this decision?”
• Or, “I’d really value your input on this—even if you disagree. Please share your perspective.”

We may see our leadership role as a validation of our ideas

If you’ve been in your role for a while, it’s easy to assume that your track record justifies your approach. But experience doesn’t automatically translate into effective collaboration. While the task at hand may require clear direction, it’s worth considering that your team may have deeper insights based on their daily work.

To Do:
Assess the context. If collaboration would lead to a better outcome, then ask for others’ perspectives. Listen, adapt, and co-create a solution that meets the goal.